Progress each day.

I have a hard time admitting I am wrong. My mom tells me I justify things to always have them fall in my favor. This comes from insecurity. We don't like being told we are wrong, especially me. I don't like disappointing people either. Maybe this is why my grades matter so much, or why I cried getting my first speeding ticket, or feeling so guilty when I treat my friends poorly, or when I get angry at myself for not being able to dance like I used to.
I'm learning that mistakes are part of life. How else are we supposed to learn? But this doesn't give us an excuse to act in whatever way we please. Our actions affect the people around us. I've always been one for the "do what makes you happy" life. I still think that's important, but I've learned, people are much more important. I've learned this the hard way. I need to focus on othes more, and step away from the self centered life I tend to live at times. This is all part of discovering ourselves and being human.
I'm blessed with amazing friends. Friends who would be willing to do anything for me. I take that for granted much too often. I just hope it's not too late. I also have a loving father in heaven whom I also take for granted at times. It's amazing how much he continues to care, even when I don't do my part. He's put some amazing opportunities in my life at the moment, and I hope I can please him. It's going to take diligence and a change in my attitude.
This is why in grateful for forgiveness. It gives me the chance to try and be a little better each day.
So friends, thanks for putting up with me. It means more than you know. I'm trying my best. 

L.O.V.E.

"I think I'd rather miss because I loved than never love at all. And I mean that with all my heart. Because the pain of missing someone is part of loving them. And I'd miss someone for a hundred years if it meant I got to love them for just a moment. Missing hurts, but loving is worth it. I will miss you, but that's because I love you. And to me, that's worth it." 
            -Calea Bagley

Last Friday was Cavestock. The biggest party at American Fork High. It really was one of the best nights of my Junior year. There is one thing that unites us as a school. That's music. It was the last Cavestosck with all my wonderful senior friends. I got a little emotional as the bands played and I danced with all my friends. I've always been one to have older friends than me. I guess it's because I like to think I am mature. But all these friends leave and part their separate ways. Boys going on missions and school, and girls doing the same. I will miss them all terribly. Yet like Calea said, to miss someone means you loved them. I could go through my senior friends person by person and tell you what they have taught me. I've learned to love people for who they are, to enjoy life to its fullest, to find time for yourself, to remember the importance of the gospel, have confidence in yourself, and many many more lessons. I feel like part of me is graduating with them on Thursday. I'm excited to see where these amazing people go. 

Elder Logan Cameron's farewell was today. He did an amazing job. He will be a fantastic missionary. It's always fun to go to farewells and see all of our classmates their to support. The gospel has the power to unite people. Like Logan talked about, it brings hope and and peace into our lives. It makes me wonder why we hold grudges against people, when we should all just be friends. I'm guilty of this myself. I'm working on loving people for who they are, instead of their actions and decisions. After all, we are all here for the same reason. To become perfected in Christ.  Because when I really think about it, I love all people I come in contact with. Each person I meet is so unique and has something I can learn from. They shape the person I become. I'm so excited to see all these missionaries grow in the gospel. I really am jealous. There is nothing more important we can do then devoting our lives to Christ. He's the way to true happiness. 

My heart is full

You know when your heart is so full that it literally feels like it could jump out of your chest?
Welcome to my life at the moment.
I've been counting down the days until school ends, and now it has turned into the days until my life changes drastically. I said goodbye to my best friend on Monday. It was so much harder than expected. As I was driving to her house, all of our memories together flooded my mind. From dance class after dance class, double dates with our brothers, showcase tours, one amazing year at high school together, football games, recitals, fires in her backyard, girls nights, and a few good cries. We have been through it all. She's had such a large impact on my life that I have Sarah Judd to thank for me being the person I am today. Driving away from her house after we said goodbye made me realize the amazing capacity we have to love as humans. I never felt closer to her as I drove away.
There will be countless more goodbyes for me coming soon. It makes me so anxious. Am I really ready for this much change? I've become so comfortable with my everyday life and the people who are a part of it. Yet change is good. I've definitely learned that. But time is running out. And it's eating away at me. I've got so many dreams and plans, and my time is limited with people. I've learned a lesson recently. People aren't always going to agree with your decisions. Don't let that get to you. You know yourself better than anyone else. Well this whole post had just turned into a ton of my jumbled thoughts. If you are going to take one thing away from this mess, take this: enjoy every experience to its fullest. Don't ever waste time, because we don't have time to waste. Do what makes you happy, and that should be good enough for you and everyone else.

Slowly learning.

I'm learning how to be selfless.
More selfless than I usually am.
Putting others first.
Their needs in front of mine.
Their wants instead of mine.
That's what it means to love. 

On the Bright Side...

My list of 10 things I'm grateful for today:

1. I got an 81% on my math test. I don't think you realize how happy I am about that.
2. I finished all my core testing. Only 2 more weeks of chemistry!!
3. I had my piano recital on Thursday. It was great! I forget how much I love playing piano until l perform.
4. I made dance co next year! Hah i know, complete shocker. I woke up this morning bright and early to McCall and Brooke jumping on my bed. Change will be hard adjusting to a new team, but I'm very excited.
5. I have wonderful friends. Friends who are always there when I need them. Friends like Parker and Maggie and Kels who will listen to my crazy life, and show their support.
6. I'm grateful for the peace and happiness that I find in the gospel.
7. I'm grateful for seminary teachers who will let me come in and talk with them all through lunch. The advice and guidance that I was given was just what I needed to hear.
8. I spent half my Friday night working on an English project with Mags. Then I came home and watched a movie with my family. I could have gone and spent more time with friends, but I realized that the people I needed to spend more time with was my family. Because when I am home, I know I'm loved unconditionally.
9. I helped set up for the senior dinner dance today. The new council was in charge of setting up. It was strange at first without the seniors, but then I got really excited. I will be a senior next year. I'm excited to make new friends, have a fresh start with school, and have one more year at wonderful AF high. My junior year has been great. It really has. I've learned a lot about myself. But I'm ready for change. I'm ready for the seniors to graduate and have my spot as the top class.
10. Tomorrow I have an all day workshop for all the Student Council's in alpine district. I have to be late however, because I have dress rehearsal for the Showcase recital on Monday. I'm grateful to be able to at least be in a few dances in the recital. I cherish any time I get to be on stage.

So over all, I guess you could say I am really happy. This doesn't mean everything in my life is perfect. Not at all. But if you let people bring you down, you need go realize that sometimes you have to find your own happiness. I'm so grateful for all the wonderful people around me. I'm reminded everyday how lucky I am to have so many people who care about me. If you focus on these people, the other problems in life don't matter. I'm grateful for these life lessons. It's all part of growing up. 

Laughter really is the best medicine.

I love to laugh.
I always have.
I've actually been told I have quite a loud laugh, but I don't really mind. I try to find as many reasons as possible each day to smile and be verbal about how much I love the people and things around me. I've kinda got a loud mouth. I don't always think before I just start talking. That can sometimes get me in trouble. So I've focused lately on controlling my tongue. Instead of speaking ill about someone, or saying that sarcastic comment that may come off offensive, I smile and find a reason to giggle.

Here's just a few examples. I just found out that one of the people that has had the biggest influence on me this year is moving. This came as a huge shock. This lady really has changed the way I view everything. I wanted to be bitter, but I took the positive side. I remembered all the memories from this year, and I'm looking forward to the future.
I laugh a ton whenever I'm with Parker. The kid is like my brother. I'm so comfortable around him, and I know he will always be there for me.
There is always a lot of giggling when I have a girls night. We giggle about cute movie actors, how much food we eat, and how the boys at our school just all seem to cycle through the same girls. That's why I've given up on boys. The free single life has suited me much better. It's actually a lot more fun believe it or not.
I always laugh to point where I am almost in tears when I spend time with Mags. She's one of few people that really gets me. We've probably get annoying when we are in public together. We can say one word and we are both doubled over laughing. That's a sign of a great friendship. We also giggle about her long distance relationship, and my strange impulse lately to live in the moment. Needless to say, she knows my secrets.

I laugh about how my legs still aren't the same size.
I laugh whenever I try to park my big car. People who watch me usually laugh too.
I laugh how you and I still have a hard time carrying on a conversation after all this time.
I laugh about past memories. Or when people tease me about past memories. Like lying on the football field the other day and having someone yell that famous "one liner" at me. Yeah, I guess it's still funny. Even funnier is who was teasing me about it.
I laugh at how happy my best friend was when she called me to inform me that she is no longer VL. Welcome to the club, sister.

I smile whenever I notice how influential the gospel is in my life. Nothing brings me more joy. I'm jealous of these boys as I watch them get their mission calls. I don't know yet if a mission is right for me, but I do know that God has something great in store for me. And for you, and that kid in math class that really bothers you. Remember how much potential we all have. Love people for who they are. Laugh about the simple things. I sound preachy tonight, and I'm sorry about that. I just want you to feel this joy that I have found lately.