The Simple Things

I've been so stressed this week. Like wanting to scream and pull my hair out. Which is not good because my biggest fear in life is losing my hair. I know that sounds weird. But it's the truth. My grades this term have been really hard to keep at an A. I will probably be ending the term with a b+ which hurts, but I tried my best so I'm not too upset.
I've also been stressed because our dance co proposals were due this week. Huge thank you to McCall for dancing for me. She's always more than willing to help and I thank her for that. So Devyn texted me today and said she is interested in doing a duet for us. It's about going through trials but always knowing there is someone there to rely on. Devyn and I have become really close since we both have had injuries this year. We've been there for each other in our lowest point. So you could say I'm a little excited. Actually a lot. I'm excited to work on this piece. I'm just excited to dance again. 3 months, please go by quickly.
Today I had one of those experiences where the spirit talks to you, and you don't realize it until after. My sweet friend kelsie has had a rough week. I could just tell today that she needed to be reminded she was loved. I was driving home from school and all of a sudden I had the strong impression to stop and buy kels a cupcake. So i stopped by Dippidees and bought her one, wrote her a note and left it at her house. She told me later today that it was exactly what she needed. It's moments like this when I realize The Lord really does care about the little things in our life. Buying kels a cupcake was such an easy thing, but I can tell it really meant a lot to her. So listen to the promptings of the spirit. The Lord is always there.
Oh I got asked to the Heros dance! I think I've talked to Bryce like once before, but I've heard he is a great kid and I'm super excited. I'm excited to make a new friend! 

To Love and Be Loved

Today I learned something during school that will apply to my everyday life. Like really, how often does that happen?
We had a Pastor come and talk to us in my world religion class. He said the main purpose we are here is to love and be loved. I don't know if I can agree that is our main purpose, but that is definitely a large part. Everything we do and how we act is for the sake of love. He said the main purpose he played football was to feel loved. He realized it was the wrong kind of love he was looking for. He was looking for the love that makes him feel important. Popularity. That's what a lot of kids are looking for in high school. I started thinking over my actions recently and realized his view of love fits me perfectly. So my word of advice: love everyone. Get to know people. Everyone has so much to offer and so much potential. People really are amazing.

I love the DI. You can find the most cool but weird things. I've got a friend who likes collecting vinyls. So while I was at the DI I decided to get him some for his birthday. I realized I really love making people happy. I love knowing a person well enough to know what they really like. But it also makes me feel great when people know me well enough to know what makes me happy. I'm blessed to have people in my life like that. It's a huge blessing in high school.

Tonight my closing quote isn't Mumford. I know that's a complete shocker. But it's Coldplay. Which is also amazing.

"And high up above or down below.
When you're too inlove to let it go.
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth."

the Daily Mumford

"Sister, don't let go of us.
 If you want to feel alive,
then learn to love your ground.
But don't test the ones you love.
It will only tear us down.
Sister, don't test the ones you love." 

It's Just Good

There is something about curling my hair. Actually, when I do my hair in general.

It's great when I dress up and I feel really pretty.

I feel like I can conquer anything when I wear my favorite boots. It's even better when I wear my wool socks.

It makes my day when my Spanish Fork friends call me and come visit. I absolutely adore them both. They are also quite good looking. That's always a bonus.

I love when Parker  and I get lost in inside jokes. We have so many it can be embarrassing. I also love his sister. We both miss her terribly.

I love going to fancy social events. Well, fancy birthday parties.

It's always wonderful to see a sharp dressed man. Even better when you get to sit by them.

It's completely shocking when I get lucky and win a guessing game. It makes my day.

I secretly like how Adam and I laugh at some of the dumbest things, and not always the most appropiate.

I love seeing people who are happy. That makes me happy.

It's fun to look around a room full of people and think of past memories. Some better than others.

I love learning about someones childhood. It helps you understand people better.

There is nothing quite like eating dinner with your best friends, in a dim lit room, and discussing what you always talk about: relationships, clothes, a bunch of inside jokes, and Les Mis.

Some of the best memories I have involve late nights on my couch with Hannah and Ashley. I play with Hannah's hair, while Ashley Instagram stocks people. But we all end up on the floor laughing.

Overall, I love Saturdays that are just good.

More Mumford

My favorite song at the moment.

"Hold On To What You Believe"
Mumford and Sons 

I, I can't promise you
that I won't let you down
And I, I can't promise you
that I will be the only one around
when your hope falls down

But we're young, open flowers in the windy fields
of this war-torn world
And love, this city breathes the plague
of loving things more than their creators

I ran away
I could not take the burden of both me and you
It was too fast
Casting love on me as if it were a spell I could not break
When it was a promise I could not make

But what if I was wrong?

But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight

And now this land means less and less to me
without you breathing through its trees
At every turn the water runs away from me
and the halo disappears
and the hole when you're not near

So what if I was wrong?

But hold on to what you believe in the light
When the darkness has robbed you of all your sight

You Only Get As Much As You Give

Random fact: my legs are two different sizes. Due to the fact that I didn't walk on my right leg for at least 2 months, my pants are always baggy on the right side. I have got to experience this wonderful thing called physical therapy. My therapist is named Steve, and seriously is one of the funniest people I have met.  He also is concerned with my life out of therapy, which may sounds weird, but it's really not. During November I was invited to a dinner party. One of the fancy dress up type which I adore. I have a secret obsession with classy things, and so this party was right down my alley. Connor and I were going to the party together, but we had to stop by Fresh Market first because he had to get a dessert. So there we are both dressed up and I hear someone say, "You better have your brace on beneath that dress." Well it was Steve, and the first thing I hear when I come back to therapy is him wondering who the boy was. Good thing my mom was there to back me up when I said Connor was strictly one of my best friends. I'm lucky to have Connor as such a good friend. Oh and his love with Jolene is probably the cutest thing ever. Where I'm going with this is, there are a lot of people who have  helped me stay positive through this whole recovery. Steve is definitely one of them. He reminds me I only get out as much as I put in. My parents have been wonderful. My dad tore his acl when he was young, so he knows what it's like and has given me a lot of advice. Two more months, and hopefully I will be back out on the dance floor doing what makes me happy. I wish I could say I could throw on my pointe shoes come April, but I know it will be quite a while before I start worrying about blisters and bruised toenails.

I had a talk with a friend today. One of those good long talks, that you leave feeling like you've figured a few things out. I guess the past few months I've had a lot of experiences like this. My schedule has been the same for as long as I can remember. Go to school, go to dance, do homework, and occasionally try to be social. Well ever since September 12, I've had a lot of time for I guess you could call it "self discovery". I think everyone goes through this at one point. But during this talk today things sorta clicked. It goes back to what Steve told me about my knee. You only get out what you put in. If I want someone to treat me a certain way, I also have to treat them correctly. Effort goes both ways. That's the funny thing about people. We sometimes just expect things to happen to our advantage. At least I think that way. I always think the only karma that will hit me is good karma. Hah that's a lie. Karma has kicked me in the butt lately. My friend told me to look at things through other people's eyes. Try seeing it from their point of view. This friend seems to know me better than I know myself sometimes. Maybe because I'm easy to read. We talked a lot about trust. Trust is one of those things that  really is earned. It can also be lost very quickly. You just come to realize who you can trust and what they are telling other people. None of this really makes sense. I don't quite understand everything I am learning, but I know I will eventually. Best part of all of this is I realized I am happy. Like really happy. Sure, things aren't perfect. But happiness is a choice. There are people who I've pushed away without even trying. So here we go! I miss friends and like I said, it's up to me. It's never too late to save a friendship. Especially one that you have ruined yourself. So I need to thank Miss Denney for giving me some clarity today. She's absolutely wonderful.  

A Year of Firsts

I made it through 2012. What a year it has been. A year of "firsts" is probably the best way to describe it. First time driving. First kiss. Well first time I've actually associated with boys. First glimpse at a broken heart. First real injury and surgery. First time having to stand for what I believe. First time I failed a math test. First time I've actually had to think about what my testimony means. First time I've had to say goodbye to a sibling for two years. First time I went to a concert. First time refusing a kiss. First time I became a true caveman. First time sitting in the front row of my dance recital and crying because I wanted nothing more than to be on stage. First time wearing a stuco sweater. First time a friend has made me cry. First time feeling replaced. First time realizing I really was replaced. First time I've lost someone who we all felt wasn't ready to go. First time I knew I had really met a true friend. First time knowing what it's like to really want something you know you can't have. First time discovering I'm really obsessed with Mumford . First time admitting I kinda like Taylor swift. First time on crutches. First "fireworks went off" kiss after a school dance. First "I probably should have thought that one through" kiss.  First time I've lost a best friend. First time I've realized what is important in life. First time having to get a math tutor. First time getting in a real argument with my parents. First time feeling completely alone. First time choreographing a dance. First time I met Devyn Bogh who has taught me what it means to be a team player and not play the "pity" card. First (and I hope only) time I've torn my ACL in front of the school and still finished the dance. First time taking OxyContin and Lortab, after surgery, and disappointing Taylor because I didn't react to them. First prom. First time seeing how mean girls can be. First time seeing how loyal friends can be. First time I've realized I'm blessed beyond belief to have Kelsie as a best friend. First time I've never been happier to be apart of stuco. First time doing the dance co cheer. First time crying in my car with Hannah after listening to a band play and feeling stupid but learning a valuable lesson. I guess what I'm trying to say is I've learned a lot this year. I've learned that its ok to trust people. I'm so darn independent I even bug myself sometimes. But I've also learned I can't depend on other people for my happiness. Because people change, and things happen. What you want and see as important can be completely different than someone else.

I've got this friend. He's pretty great. It's one of those friendships that just sorta happens and you can't really remember how it happened. Anyway, at one time I had a crush on his best friend, and he had a crush on mine. A few broken hearts and long talks later, we discovered something. We have something in common. Something deeper than just liking the same music. We both have the ability to love people. Not just like a high school love, but accepting someone and wanting the absolute best for them type of love. We both expect the same kind of love from our friends and then feel confused when they don't return it. So my goal this year is to not expect people to act a certain way because we are all human and if we were all the same life would be terribly boring. So I'm going to love people for who they are and know things always work out. I want Heather to be known for accepting everyone and letting them know they can trust me. I don't always want to focus on myself because that's one of my talents, and its not a good thing. I've gained and lost friends in 2012 and I'm excited to see what this year has to offer. I'm excited to see what "firsts" will happen.