My biggest life lesson. Part 1.

September 12. It really does feel like just yesterday. Yet at the same time, it feels like years.

It was the night of the homecoming assembly. I was doing it all. I was performing with dance co, and student council. Not only had I been staying after school for dance co rehearsals, but I had been having early morning and late night practices to somehow get our stuco group to dance together. I was stressed, but i loved every second of it. Finally we were starting the assembly. I had curled my hair and was wearing my dance co shirt and the sparkly new high tops they bought for us. I felt great. I looked great. I loved being involved with the school and being able to do what I love more than anything.
Dance.

I made it through the dance co dance. We had to start over once because of a music problem, but besides that, we nailed it. Devyn was still recovering from an ACL surgery, so we had to modify a few things for her.

Little did I know.

I rushed back into the dance room and changed my shirt to get ready for the stuco dance. I came back out and sat by the council couch. Connor, Adam and Cole told me good job, and that they loved to watch me dance. The night was turning out great.

Now it was stuco's turn. We all got in a huddle and I said a few words to them. I told them that the most important thing was to never break your smile. Go out there and no matter what happens, don't forget to perform. How ironic.

The music starts and Ryan does his solo. At the beginning of the dance I was supposed to run forward and do a dive roll over Landon. I don't know if it was the shoes, or if I hit a pothole, or it simply was fate. All I know is I ran forward to jump, and as I jump and roll, I hear a loud pop.

I can't quite comprehend what is happening. I try to stand back up and put weight on my right leg. This is where the pain hits. I get dizzy and began to feel really hot. There is sort of a throbbing in my right knee and as I try to put weight on it, it gives way and I almost fall over again. This is when I know something is seriously wrong, I just want to lay on the grass and cry. But instead I suck it up and finish the dance. That's right. I'm a true performer at heart. The show must go on.

Maggie is the first to see I'm seriously hurt. I hobble off the field and collapse. I'm grabbing my knee and crying. She helps me over to the couch and I lay down.. By this point, Aubrie, Jardine, Finch, and many friends have come over to see what's up. All I can think about is dance. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I actually don't remember any conversations I had. All I wanted was to see my moms face and have her tell me all was going to be ok. I began to think about dance performances I had coming up. I had just been chosen to do the lead role in Waltz of the flowers for nutcracker. A dream come true. It was my first year on dance co. I tried to stay positive, but I knew the injury was serious. I knew things were going to change whether I liked it or not.

Lessons

I go to school everyday and sit in different classes. It's amazing though that I tend to learn more outside of the classroom. Especially these past few weeks. Let me share with you a few things I've learned. 

1. Dissappointment happens. Even when you do all you can to work toward a goal, it may not work out. We often don't see why things don't work the way we want them. I can't really give you an answer. However I can give you a little advice. Don't let it get to you. Look for the lessons you have learned and focus on them. Also don't pity yourself. Something else will come into your life that fills that hole. Believe me, I have countless stories. Feel free to ask me about it. 

2 Make sure the people around you know that you love them. I haven't always been a great friend, but I'm learning what it means to really be there for someone on their time of need. I wish I could have figured this out earlier. 

3. Stick up for yourself. Don't let people pressure you into things you don't want. You know what you want.  If someone really cares about you, then they will respect your decision and love you no matter what. 

4. The heart is a tender thing. I also have a hard time letting go. 

5. Trust in God. 

6. Remember your worth. 

7. Smile. It really does help. 

8. I can't control everything. Now this is a lesson I learn daily. I like to do things on my own, and have them done exactly how I want. I also can't control what other people think. I need to be willing to trust other people. 

You could say we're good friends.

First day of Spanish class. Second day of my sophomore year. My brother had told me that I had to meet him. I walk into class literally not knowing a single person. This is before heather discoverd her outgoing side, so I took a seat in the back of the room. Coach Lowe starts to call roll, and I hear him say, "Vernon?" I sort of mumble a response and raise my hand. Then from the other side of the room I hear his voice. "You're Spencer's sister! He told me to look for you!" You could say this is the beginning of a friendship that means the world to me. This is how the friendship of Connor and Heather started.
I was so lost for the first few months of my sophomore year. I was coming to a school where I knew no one. Somedays the only thing I had to look forward to is Connor saying hello to me. I don't think he will ever realize how much the simple things mean to me. Then he asked me to Winter Waltz. I felt like the luckiest girl. And I will admit, I had a huge crush on him. It's Connor Grigsby. How can you not?? He was so sweet to me throughout the whole date. It made me smile to see him blush when  he forgot to come up to my door for our day date. I still have the snowflake he made me when we went to jcws after. I wore Sarah's white dress and felt like a princess.
Then we both started to head in different directions. He had his girl, and I started to have a crush on a cute junior boy on the soccer team. We still were great friends, but it was hard to stay as close when i was labeled as "Miles's girl" and Connor had another girl he was chasing after. So we stayed friends, but it had complications.
The middle if February came and Connor asked me if I was interested in running for Stu co next year. I went out on a limb, and I ran. A few weeks later I was informed I'd be a member of junior council next year. Little did I know the affect this wonderful decision would have on me. School year came to an end, and so did relationships. Connor was the person I turned to whenever I needed advice. He reminded me of how beautiful I was, and how much I had to offer as an individual. We talked everyday throughout July and August. I spent my last day of summer with him. We bought batman tattoos and spent the last sunset of summer on his lawn.
Next thing I knew, we were juniors. We spent a lot of time together because of council. September 12. The day I tore my ACL. Connor was one of my biggest supporters through surgery and recovery. He spent countless days just sitting on my couch with me. Then once again, we began to drift. He fell for Jolene, and I rekindled a fire that had always still had a small flame. I kept my distance out of respect. I knew how much she meant to him and I could tell he was the happiest he had ever been. So we stayed best friends, we just had different commitments. So as I sat by Connor at lunch today I couldn't help but just smile.We've been through a lot together. The kid needs a friend right now and I owe him. But I'm not staying close to repay him, I'm doing it because I love my best friend. I love his laugh, our shared love for Star Wars, his cute green car, and his love of just bring himself. He reminds me everyday that it is ok to be different. It is ok to be yourself. Don't change Connor. You're perfect the way you are. Thanks for being my friend. 

What a weekend

These are the weekends that l look forward to.

Aly's baptism was beautiful. That girl is amazing. I have always looked up to her, and seen her as an example. You're so great  Al. I'm so proud of you.

I answered Grant back for Prom. I am so excited I don't know if I can make it until April 13th! What a stud. Junior prom is turning out to be all I ever wanted.

Those butterflies returned this weekend. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I've always known it would happen sooner or later. It just came much quicker than I thought. But I'm not complaining. Nope, not at all. I'm a sucker for those brown eyes .

I don't know what to call this post...

Spring is in the air.
I can feel it in the sunshine, I can see it in people's smiles.
The spring continues to bring more change into my life. It just seems to never end. But it is good change.

More mission calls! Isaac is going to Indonesia, Alex is going to Japan, Kyle is going to Italy, and sweet Cordell is going to Hungary. These boys are all amazing and have had a wonderful impact on my life. They will be fantasic missionaries.

First part of StuCo elections are done. I wish I could say I was done with them, but I've still got two more weeks. Once again, I've learned the lesson that I'm not in charge of what happens in my life. Somethings I just can't control. I can control how I react though. So Thursday at 5pm when I didn't get a call, I didn't complain. Obviously it just wasn't meant to be, and that's ok. Yeah it was what I wanted, but as Jardine says, "suck it up." I'm not the only one dealing with this, so why act like it is so hard for just me. Plus I've never been one to self pity. I hate people seeing me that way. I would much rather them see a smile on my face and a sparkle in my eyes. That is how it should be.

I'm usually not one to second guess myself. But lately, I haven't been able to make up my mind. It's because my life is full on wonderful people. People who I absolutely adore. People who spend their Friday night's just with me and listen to me talk and talk. Somehow he knew that was exactly what I needed. I've had a lot on my mind lately and it's nice to be able to sit and tell someone everything that is happening. Plus I think he needed it too. One of my favorite things to do is learn about someones childhood. It explains so much about them.

 My sequoia has become special to me. Not because that car takes me everywhere, but because of the people that have been in it, and the conversations I have had. Hannah has sat in the front seat of my car with me more times than I can count. We've laughed, we've cried, and we've shared things with each other that only best friends would. Ashley has sat in that same seat as well and made my cry. I love how she is willing to tell me how it is, but she does it with so much love. Kelsie is the same way. We've been through many adventures in my car, but her car wins this one. For some reason we always end up in her car. There are many many more people. Parker, Connor, Maggie, and Adam to name a few. I'm so blessed to have these people as friends. They have shaped who I am.

Just what I needed.

It's amazing what a little scripture reading can do.
 Thanks Adam for the advice.

Alma 5
Alma 6
D &C 6
Alma 38:5
Alma 26:12
Omni 1:26

The church is true. 

And the mission calls continue...

Warning. This post may be a little dramatic. So if you don't want to read about friendship, love, tears, and pure happiness... I advise you to stop reading.

Thursday nights now hold a bitter sweet feeling for me. They are dedicated to mission call openings. This last week there were so many calls opened that I spent a good 2 or 3 hours house hopping to watch these wonderful boys open their calls. Some of the boys that have influenced me the most the past 2 years opened their calls on Thursday.

Frankfurt, Germany. Of course it's perfect for Adam. I am so happy for him. This kid has become one of my best friends this year. We have very similar personalities and he is always there to listen to me whenever I need to talk. We've spent hours sitting in my car talking about life and what the future holds for each of us. He's going places. That's all I can say. He has an amazing way of loving people for exactly who they are. This talent will help him so much on the mission. I'm so excited for Elder Mayne!



Miles opened his call as well. He's headed to New Zealand. What an amazing mission! The same place my best friend Sarah Judd is headed. It's hard to find someone who will be a better missionary than Miles. He has an amazing sense of how to interact and talk with people. He also has such a strong love for the gospel that is shows in everything he does. We have had our ups and downs, but I respect him so much. Also some of my favorite and memorable high school experiences include him. I got a text from the sweetest girl late Thursday night and she asked me if that mission call was as hard for me as it was for her. If you're reading this post you probably know me well enough to assume why she asked me that. I can honestly say that the only feeling I felt as he announced his call was joy. I am so happy for him and can't wait for him to get out in the mission field to have those amazing missionary experiences. I'm lucky to have Miles as a friend. Congrats Elder Farnsworth.


The missionary however, that I have thought the most about lately is Parker. I have known this kid for so long. We lived by each other when I was really young and then I moved. My family finally ended up in Highland and we were reunited with the Judds. Well Parker and I have become family. He really is my other older brother. The Judd family in general means so much to me. Sarah and I have a friendship that I can't even explain. All I can say is that the Judd family has blessed my life greatly. Parker will be serving in California. He talked about wanting to go foreign and I think he was a little shocked when he opened his call. But I know he is so excited and it is exactly where the Lord needs him. He leaves in July. That means in the next few months, Spencer, Sarah, and Parker will all be on missions. The three people who mean more than the world to me. Thanks goodness that I can write them. When I gave Parker a hug after he opened his call, I almost lost it. But I held back the tears. I don't want to be sad about these boys all leaving. I want to focus on the happiness and how great it is that they are sharing the gospel. I still smile whenever I think about Parker announcing his mission and the rush of the spirit that filled the room. The gospel is amazing and blesses my life daily.

Blurred.

Jill was so right.

However, I think I knew it all along.

We put up boundaries. These "walls" that we just don't let certain people pass. Not because we don't love them. No that's not it at all.

It IS because we love them. We love the little quirks they have, and how we know each other so well we almost finish each other's sentences. How he teases me constantly, but never more than I can handle. How he gives the best hugs and I can tell they are sincere. The subtle compliments he gives me. Simply the way he looks at me when we talk about life. I don't want to chance losing any of this.  Because that has happend to me before. People I care so much about are now just simply faces I see everyday. Every once in a while having a conversation out of kindess and knowing it's the right thing to do. It's because once you break down those walls it's nearly impossible for them to be built again.

Somewhere in that last paragraph it switched from "we" to "him". I guess I can't avoid that this post just got personal.

So someone help me out here. Someone explain to me how that fine line has been blurred. That line use to be thick. Thick and obvious for everyone to see. I never even thought of looking what was on the other side. I was so happy with where I was and what side I was on. I was also happy with where he stood. I vowed I wouldn't get caught in something like this again. Even blogged about it.

But to be curious is in our nature.
And he started to cross his toes over the line.
I don't even how he got that far.
There is so much that complicates this. It simply just doesn't add up for either of us.

But I began to do the same. Without thinking. Part of me was just curious, part of me... well most of me just wanted to see what would happen.

Then he gave the sign. Our usual, comfortable, weekend nights as best friends began to be a bit different. Somewhere in the mix of our laughter and jokes, feelings were involved. Affection began to be shown. Nothing major, yet just enough for us to realize what was going on. But I didn't know what I wanted.

So I backed away. We discussed our friendship and how important it is. So he agreed we should stay where we have always been. On those separate sides of the line. Although I must admit, I have been second guessing myself ever since. He still shows intrest, and I've began to show it as well. I reason both sides. Why it would work, and why it doesn't.

I guess you could say we both are standing on the line. Just waiting for the other person to make the first move again. I don't know if I will. I don't know if he will.

But I do know one thing. Jill was right all along.

It's hard to just stay friends.

A little bit of sun

Canada. It fits Logan perfectly. Especially because it is French speaking. He will be a fantastic missionary. It's amazing how the Lord does that. He knows each and every one of us as an individual. Better than we know ourselves. Something that I've really learned this year.

My stress level has reached an all time high. Just when I think I can't handle anymore, something new gets thrown at me. First off, my month of March will be consumed with planning prom. As fun as it is, it's a lot of work and dedication. Now I just need a date to Prom. Keeping my fingers crossed! Also elections. But I won't speak too much about those. Just that whenever I hear that word my stomach ties in knots. Yet it's so exciting to see how much I've grown over the year. I'm also learning all the dance co dances for the concert coming up in April. I can't do them full out yet due to the knee, so it makes me a little stressed that I may not be ready by the concert. But I know if I stay dedicated then I should hopefully be ok.

The weather is absolutely beautiful today! It makes me excited for Spring and Summer. It gives me a new hope. With the changing seasons comes new opportunities and challenges. This winter has been a hard one, so I'm ready to move on to Spring. I'm ready for shorts and sandals, late nights outside, end of school excitement, and to finish my junior year. Plus I'm ready to be tan again. At least as tan as I can get, which isn't much. Today we had the service project for student council. We pretty much just hauled dead trees out of Art Dye Park. I came home exhausted. So I took a shower and jumped in bed for a nice nap. About an hour later I get a call from Adam. He says he's outside and has a surprise for me. Well I came outside to Adam, Kyle, Connor, and Taylor all with their longboards. They've been longboarding all day and thought they'd stop by to say hi. It made my day. Those boys are so great. I have learned so much from them as individuals. I'm excited to see where they will go in life. Oh and I'm planning on longboarding with them as soon as my knee gets a bit better... and I learn how to actually longboard. So I'm in a good mood. Simply because I've chosen to be, and the sun is finally out.