And We Danced.

Well it was a big weekend.
It was the dance co concert.
It's been an exhausting week just in general. We were at the school everyday this week until about 9pm. But it all pays off. The concert was so wonderful! It is hard to put into words how good it felt to be on stage performing again. I've missed it more then you can imagine. Friday night concert was very emotional because it was the last time we would dance with the senior girls. More then half the team are seniors and I have a unique friendship with each one of them. They have all shaped the person I have become this year. You could say there were many tears before the concert, after, and even during the show. The duo I did with Devyn was an experience I will never forget. She has become a part of me that I will cherish. I was honored to share the stage with her. Overall, the best way to put it into words, is we stabbed this concert. Dance co style.

Before we went on stage, Aubrie had us dedicate our performance to one person. We wrote a letter to them, and we were supposed to keep them in mind throughout the whole show. I wrote my letter to Spencer. He has come to every single dance recital and I know he was there because he wanted to be. He loves watching me dance. So I dedicated my performance to him because I know he would have been sitting front row watching me, jus as happy as I was to be back on stage. Right before we went on stage, McCall came up to me and handed me a letter. She had decided to dedicate this last concert to me. I have grown up dancing with McCall since we were 3 and 4. We've performed together countless time. We've been to competitions together, performed in St. George, San Fran, Disneyland and now dance co together. Right after I tore my ACL I talked to the dance co girls about never taking dance for granted. It is a gift, not just something you should should expect. I guess that really touched McCall. In her letter she told me that ever since my injury she has had a different attitude with dance. She said she has danced for me every day since September 12th. Well we were bawling of course, and I just sat and hugged McCall after she gave me the letter.
 I'm blessed to have her as such a good friend.
I'm blessed to dance.
I'm blessed to have a healthy body.
I'm blessed to have trials.
I'm blessed to have a Father in Heaven who cares so much about me.

Life is great.

So much has happened lately that I don't know where to start.

God is constantly reminding me how precious life is. It's terrible that we have to be reminded this through the death of another person. With the suicide at our school, I've started to appreciate the people around me more. We had a candlelight vigil at the high school on Monday night in memory of Josh. I went with some of my best friends. That night as I was linking arms with two wonderful people, I began to see what love really is. I believe we have a hard time experiencing what it really means to love someone unconditionally in high school. But I gave one of my best friends a hug that night and I understood what it means to really care. In high school, if you have a best friend who is a different gender then you, people always say you will have a relationship. It's hard to grasp the concept of loving someone for who they are, but not wanting more then that friendship. But it's possible, I know it is. I've experienced it.

This week was choir tour for a lot of my friends. So I had the privilege the spend one on one time with some great people. Ashley and I hung out Friday. She never fails to make me laugh. I have so many memories with her. I almost have a heart attack every time I think about my senior year without her, but I'm grateful for all the time we have spent together. I spent a lot of time with my family as well. That was great. My cousin James is one of my best friends, and it's great whenever he comes and spends time with the family. I also got to hang with Logan a bit. It was fun to catch up with him. Some weekends I'm reminded that your teenage years are for growing up and learning lessons, and loving the freedom that comes with all this.

Prom was last weekend. I had a blast. Grant was such a fun date! He was a gentlemen throughout the whole thing. It was great to see Prom together after all the planning I had put into it. I'm so grateful for my junior council. I couldn't have done it without them. Oh and Mags never fails to brighten my day. And she has a really comfy bed that is great for sleepovers.

Dance co concert is next weekend. Pray for me. Let's hope my knee will be ready.

6 months

Today marks 6 months.
To the day.
So it was the perfect day to go back to ballet.
I haven't worn a leotard and tights in over 7 months. I haven't done my hair in a ballet bun either.
But it all felt normal. It felt great.
I pulled my old ballet shoes out of my dance bag that haven't seen daylight since the day of the injury.
Hah they still smelled just as bad.
The studio still feels like home. I love all the hugs from the cute girls that I've missed so much.
It almost felt like I'd never been gone.
Then we started barre and the knee injury was obvious.
I still can't plie' very well and I'm unstable whenever I do the left side of barre.
However, none of that really matters. Because I was doing it.
I was back at ballet and trying my best.
I've still got a long road ahead of me, but I make progress each day.
You could see the little purple scar through my pink tights. You could actually see all 5 scars.
They don't bother me though. Just another thing to make me unique.

On the other hand, I picked up my prom dress today. I LOVE it. If my mom would let me, I would probably sleep in it. Things are all coming together. My date will be so fun, and after this Saturday I don't have to worry about planning this dance anymore.

We've been studying poetry in Mr. Lind's class. I've grown to love poems because of my dad. Well I've grown to just love English in general. My dad created a list of the 20 most important grammar rules and we spent some time one night going over it. I know it sounds weird, but that's completely normal in the Vernon home.

So here's the poem for the week.

A thought went up my mind to-day

A thought went up my mind to-day
That I have had before,
But did not finish,--some way back,
I could not fix the year,

Nor where it went, nor why it came
The second time to me,
Nor definitely what it was,
Have I the art to say.

But somewhere in my soul, I know
I've met the thing before;
It just reminded me--'t was all--
And came my way no more. 

Emily Dickinson

Stress Free

These past two weeks have been wonderful. The past month has been so stressful that now that my stress is gone, I feel like I could conquer the world.
So first good news , I will be an SBO next year. SBO secretary to be exact. I couldn't be more excited! I absolutely love everyone on the new council next year. It's all bitter sweet.
I've got the greatest friends. They really are there whenever I need them. The other weekend a couple of  us had a fire at Miles's. Just listening to the boys talk made me realize how lucky i am to call them my friends. They will be great missionaries. Every single one of them.
I went on a date with Adam the other day. I love spending time with him. We doubled with Connor and Jolene. The boys made dinner themselves. I was so impressed. I really need Adam to teach me how to cook. I could use a few lessons. He was such a gentlemen and I had a wonderful evening. Thanks Adam for making me feel so special.
We're in st George for spring break. It's so nice to get away and enjoy the sun. I love spending time with the family. Don't know what I'd do without them. 

My biggest life lesson. Part 1.

September 12. It really does feel like just yesterday. Yet at the same time, it feels like years.

It was the night of the homecoming assembly. I was doing it all. I was performing with dance co, and student council. Not only had I been staying after school for dance co rehearsals, but I had been having early morning and late night practices to somehow get our stuco group to dance together. I was stressed, but i loved every second of it. Finally we were starting the assembly. I had curled my hair and was wearing my dance co shirt and the sparkly new high tops they bought for us. I felt great. I looked great. I loved being involved with the school and being able to do what I love more than anything.
Dance.

I made it through the dance co dance. We had to start over once because of a music problem, but besides that, we nailed it. Devyn was still recovering from an ACL surgery, so we had to modify a few things for her.

Little did I know.

I rushed back into the dance room and changed my shirt to get ready for the stuco dance. I came back out and sat by the council couch. Connor, Adam and Cole told me good job, and that they loved to watch me dance. The night was turning out great.

Now it was stuco's turn. We all got in a huddle and I said a few words to them. I told them that the most important thing was to never break your smile. Go out there and no matter what happens, don't forget to perform. How ironic.

The music starts and Ryan does his solo. At the beginning of the dance I was supposed to run forward and do a dive roll over Landon. I don't know if it was the shoes, or if I hit a pothole, or it simply was fate. All I know is I ran forward to jump, and as I jump and roll, I hear a loud pop.

I can't quite comprehend what is happening. I try to stand back up and put weight on my right leg. This is where the pain hits. I get dizzy and began to feel really hot. There is sort of a throbbing in my right knee and as I try to put weight on it, it gives way and I almost fall over again. This is when I know something is seriously wrong, I just want to lay on the grass and cry. But instead I suck it up and finish the dance. That's right. I'm a true performer at heart. The show must go on.

Maggie is the first to see I'm seriously hurt. I hobble off the field and collapse. I'm grabbing my knee and crying. She helps me over to the couch and I lay down.. By this point, Aubrie, Jardine, Finch, and many friends have come over to see what's up. All I can think about is dance. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I actually don't remember any conversations I had. All I wanted was to see my moms face and have her tell me all was going to be ok. I began to think about dance performances I had coming up. I had just been chosen to do the lead role in Waltz of the flowers for nutcracker. A dream come true. It was my first year on dance co. I tried to stay positive, but I knew the injury was serious. I knew things were going to change whether I liked it or not.

Lessons

I go to school everyday and sit in different classes. It's amazing though that I tend to learn more outside of the classroom. Especially these past few weeks. Let me share with you a few things I've learned. 

1. Dissappointment happens. Even when you do all you can to work toward a goal, it may not work out. We often don't see why things don't work the way we want them. I can't really give you an answer. However I can give you a little advice. Don't let it get to you. Look for the lessons you have learned and focus on them. Also don't pity yourself. Something else will come into your life that fills that hole. Believe me, I have countless stories. Feel free to ask me about it. 

2 Make sure the people around you know that you love them. I haven't always been a great friend, but I'm learning what it means to really be there for someone on their time of need. I wish I could have figured this out earlier. 

3. Stick up for yourself. Don't let people pressure you into things you don't want. You know what you want.  If someone really cares about you, then they will respect your decision and love you no matter what. 

4. The heart is a tender thing. I also have a hard time letting go. 

5. Trust in God. 

6. Remember your worth. 

7. Smile. It really does help. 

8. I can't control everything. Now this is a lesson I learn daily. I like to do things on my own, and have them done exactly how I want. I also can't control what other people think. I need to be willing to trust other people. 

You could say we're good friends.

First day of Spanish class. Second day of my sophomore year. My brother had told me that I had to meet him. I walk into class literally not knowing a single person. This is before heather discoverd her outgoing side, so I took a seat in the back of the room. Coach Lowe starts to call roll, and I hear him say, "Vernon?" I sort of mumble a response and raise my hand. Then from the other side of the room I hear his voice. "You're Spencer's sister! He told me to look for you!" You could say this is the beginning of a friendship that means the world to me. This is how the friendship of Connor and Heather started.
I was so lost for the first few months of my sophomore year. I was coming to a school where I knew no one. Somedays the only thing I had to look forward to is Connor saying hello to me. I don't think he will ever realize how much the simple things mean to me. Then he asked me to Winter Waltz. I felt like the luckiest girl. And I will admit, I had a huge crush on him. It's Connor Grigsby. How can you not?? He was so sweet to me throughout the whole date. It made me smile to see him blush when  he forgot to come up to my door for our day date. I still have the snowflake he made me when we went to jcws after. I wore Sarah's white dress and felt like a princess.
Then we both started to head in different directions. He had his girl, and I started to have a crush on a cute junior boy on the soccer team. We still were great friends, but it was hard to stay as close when i was labeled as "Miles's girl" and Connor had another girl he was chasing after. So we stayed friends, but it had complications.
The middle if February came and Connor asked me if I was interested in running for Stu co next year. I went out on a limb, and I ran. A few weeks later I was informed I'd be a member of junior council next year. Little did I know the affect this wonderful decision would have on me. School year came to an end, and so did relationships. Connor was the person I turned to whenever I needed advice. He reminded me of how beautiful I was, and how much I had to offer as an individual. We talked everyday throughout July and August. I spent my last day of summer with him. We bought batman tattoos and spent the last sunset of summer on his lawn.
Next thing I knew, we were juniors. We spent a lot of time together because of council. September 12. The day I tore my ACL. Connor was one of my biggest supporters through surgery and recovery. He spent countless days just sitting on my couch with me. Then once again, we began to drift. He fell for Jolene, and I rekindled a fire that had always still had a small flame. I kept my distance out of respect. I knew how much she meant to him and I could tell he was the happiest he had ever been. So we stayed best friends, we just had different commitments. So as I sat by Connor at lunch today I couldn't help but just smile.We've been through a lot together. The kid needs a friend right now and I owe him. But I'm not staying close to repay him, I'm doing it because I love my best friend. I love his laugh, our shared love for Star Wars, his cute green car, and his love of just bring himself. He reminds me everyday that it is ok to be different. It is ok to be yourself. Don't change Connor. You're perfect the way you are. Thanks for being my friend.