Monday, December 30, 2013

...

The answer is no.
No I don't know why we try to change ourselves to impress others.
No I don't know why we let  other people control our emotions.
I don't know why we crave acceptance.
I don't know why bad things happen to good people.
I don't know what makes someone a good person.
I don't know why the things we love most are taken from us.
I don't know why we love someone who will never love us back.
I don't know why we do the same thing every weekend and hope something new will happen.
I don't know why it's hard to forgive. I don't know why it's even harder to forget.
I don't know why we hide our problems in fear of looking inferior.
I don't know why we don't just realize everyone has problems.

But there are a few things I know.
I know God is good.
I know a  smile and positive attitude can go a long way.
I know things happen for a reason.
I know you should hold on to those who make you happy.
I know that things will get better.
I know we will eventually move on.
I know it could be worse.
I know the importance of friendship.
I know the power of love.
I know how important it is to love yourself.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Senior.

Guess what. It's official. I'm a senior. And school has started. I'm being a nut head and taking 3 ap classes. As well as being on StuCo and Dance Co. My life literally revolves around the high school. But i'm fine with that. Actually, that's how I want it to be. I have so much pride in my school. Maybe because I'm there double the amount of time as the average student, but I really am Proud to Be a Caveman. 

So my brother has officially been gone 14 months. I wish I could say time has flown by, but it hasn't. It has definitely felt like 14 months. Spencer, Sarah, and Parker are all on missions. I really am the only one of the fab 4 left here in Utah. I miss my best friends. I should say siblings I guess. It will be a great day when we all are together again. It will be at least 2 years until that happens though. So for now I will just send them letters like a good friend does. 

I forgot that not only does school bring homework, but a whole bunch of stress. Stress about friends, clothes, school dances, actually doing my hair, being friendly, and somehow finding time to stay sane. Homecoming is in 3 weeks. I want to go. SO. BAD. It's senior homecoming. You can't blame me. So I will keep you updated as to how this plays out. 
P.S. I've already got a dress. It's hecka cute. (yeah, I just said hecka. Thank you Connor Grigsby) 

I continue to discover day after day how important it is to be true to yourself. With school starting up again I notice myself comparing what I look like to others. Whenever I compare myself, I will quickly think 3 good thoughts about myself. Being unique is an amazing thing. That's what people are drawn to. So go ahead and wear that outfit you are a bit worried about. Introduce yourself to that cute kid in your grade. Smile at everyone you pass in the hallway. You will begin to feel better about yourself. It's amazing how that works.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

The important things.

I don't know where to begin. So how about just from the beginning. For the fourth summer in a row I have attended efy with my dear friend Bonnie. Her and I go to different schools so I don't see her as often as I would like. That's why I cherish our weeks at efy. That girl and I have a special bond. I can't explain it. It just works.
My testimony has become the biggest part of me in the past weeks. It's always been the focus, but I've actually started using it in my life to its full capacity. I've never felt so much joy as when I'm sitting in a room with hundreds of kids who are all there for the same reason. To become closer to Him. It's truly amazing.
I find complete peace in the gospel. It has been a challenging week for me. I tried my best to shut out the outside world, but it was all  pushing down on my shoulders. I actually had to have my dad come pick me up Wednesday night to come home and take care of things. Tender mercy. My dad is the most amazing man I have ever met. I want to marry a man just like him, and I won't settle for less. The way he treats my mom is amazing and one day I hope to be treated that way as well. I'm just waiting to someday meet this guy. As my dad and I were driving back he started just asking me about everything in my life at the moment. I started to tell him and realized my issues weren't actually that big. I shouldn't care what other people think. There really is only one person I should please and He loves me unconditionally. He will never leave my side. For those few moments I had alone with my dad I forgot everything. We blasted songs halfway to Provo. I don't sing in front of a lot of people, but my dad and I were belting and I felt complete security and happiness. For now, my dad is the only man I need.
I was lucky to be reunited with my 3 best friends today. First I went to lunch with kels. She's willing to listen to me talk and give me honest advice. I'd be lost without her. Then I went and got snocones with Hannah. We talked about Tokyo and my senior year and how each person is unique. At efy you are surrounded by Mormon girls. There are times that you feel like you have nothing that makes you stand out. I've got bushy hair, fair skin, a little nose, a quirky laugh, my cheeks get large when I smile, I can't walk in a straight line, and I have an issue of giving back sassy comments. I've always seen these things as flaws. But I've come to realize its what makes me myself. And I have people in my life who love me EXACTLY how I am. They will be there for me mistake after mistake and will put up with me. That's all I could ask for.
3 weeks. That how long Parker was gone. So as I opened my front door tonight and saw him leaning up against his car, I may have cried a little. We hugged and hugged and then he tickled me. Typical. We sat in my park under the stars on my favorite blanket. It was a bit cold, but not terrible. We caught up with each other, and then began to act like we always do. Like our complete selves. We attempted to sing and harmonize, I filled him in on the life of a pine tree, and we laughed til our bellies hurt. But he also sat very quiet and listened to me tell him about a few things. He always knows what to say to me. And hearing him tell me I was perfect the exact way I am warmed my heart. The kid is a blessing in my life. And he always smells good. Just another reason why he gives the best hugs.

People come in and out of our lives for a reason. Doors open and close. Sometimes we shut them, and often people shut them for you. But I've always liked trying new things. So this time I'm not looking back.  

Sunday, June 16, 2013

The memories begin

My summer so far has consisted of allergies, Wyoming winds, late night talks with friends, a farewell or two, being nanny, and testimony building experiences.

But I'm looking for a little more. I think each girl dreams of that perfect summer that is so perfect they could write a novel about it. I want a boy to call me up randomly and tell me he has made plans. Of course if food is involved, that would make it even better. I eat a lot for a girl, I'm over it. And end  the night dancing under the stars. You see, that's how I express my thoughts. I'm not great with words. They all get jumbled up in my mouth and come out differently than planned. I also tend to lose the filter which stops me from saying things I shouldn't. But when I'm dancing it all seems to make sense. That's when time stops for me. We don't have to talk. Just dance with me. That's right, I'm asking you.

So maybe I have a few fantasy summer dreams. All girls do, and I think even guys. But when I look back, I've already began my collection of perfect summers moments. Like when Taylor called me and asked if I wanted to go do baptisms. There is something special about being baptized by your friend. Knowing I have worthy friends who can go on missions is amazing. I look up to these boys so much. I've also spent sometime sitting on the couch knitting a scarf for a soon to be missionary. It had been our inside joke forever, and I thought why not! So call me old lady, but I don't mind knitting. Great way to pass time! I've had wonderful conversations with a friend who is great at listening. I need someone like that. Someone who will actually sit and listen. I don't have a lot of people like that in my life, so I cling to them when I find them.

My summer may not be the storybook teenage summer, but it's MY summer. And it's just begun. Who knows, maybe I will find the guy who is willing to dance barefoot in the rain with me. And if not, I will call kelsie. That's what best friends are for. 

Monday, June 10, 2013

Summer 2013

It's like a complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Welcome to summer. This is the summer of my Junior year. That means this is the same summer that Troy and Gabriella met. Yes, I am making a High School Musical reference. But I'm looking for a summer full of adventures like theirs. New experiences, hot summer nights under the starts, wonderful friends, and memories after memories.

It's time for fresh starts.
Just what I need.

My life is full of wonderful people. I know I say that a lot, but it's the truth. Wonderful people that I won't see for two years after this summer. Although a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, it's like my heart is tightening up because there are so many emotions I am feeling and I don't know how to control them. Time is running out and I want to cherish every moment I have. Come summer you find out the people you want to spend time with. I guess what I'm trying to say is I put my focus during the school year on some of the wrong people. I worried too much about other peoples lives and didn't focus enough on my closest friends. This caused problems. But I'm lucky enough to have friends who can forgive. I'm excited to spend my summer with these people. People who I deeply care about. 

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Yep.

It's finally here. I'm a senior. I really feel like I should still be in 7th grade, but part of me knows I am ready. If I take a step back, I realize how much I have grown as a person in the past year or two. I've really become comfortable with myself, and I love that.

I tried so hard in junior high to be someone I wasn't. I wanted to fit in with the popular group, and because some of my closest friends were in that group, I somehow made my way in there. But I never really got to be myself, and it bothered.

I've gone from that insecure state in junior high, to feeling very confident with myself. I've stopped acting a certain way just to please people, or dressing and doing my hair a different way. I've come to understand it is okay to be unique, because that is what makes you beautiful. I use to think it depended on how long your hair was, or how skinny you are, or how many friends you have, or how many boys give you attention. No, beauty comes from a whole different genre. I really believe beauty shines from the inside out. The way you treat people and showing love make you much prettier than any amount of make up can. This was a very hard concept for me to grasp. I tired so hard for attention, it was just silly.

It really is an amazing feeling to feel proud of yourself. To know you are trying your best everyday to become the person Christ wants you to be. I make mistakes. A lot to be exact. But I learn from each of them and they become a part of me.  My dear friend Cordell reminds me how beautiful I am all the  time, but he says the most amazing part is it comes from the inside. From being genuine. I believe each person deserves to hear this. I know some of the most genuine people. People who have had the biggest influence on my life. These are the people we need to surround ourselves with. When we feel confident about ourselves, it makes us want to reach out to others. We connect with people when we know they love us for who we are.

My blog really is just one big mess of my thoughts and me trying to stay positive. I use it more as a journal. So I don't blame you if you don't follow my thought process. I don't follow it very well either. 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Progress each day.

I have a hard time admitting I am wrong. My mom tells me I justify things to always have them fall in my favor. This comes from insecurity. We don't like being told we are wrong, especially me. I don't like disappointing people either. Maybe this is why my grades matter so much, or why I cried getting my first speeding ticket, or feeling so guilty when I treat my friends poorly, or when I get angry at myself for not being able to dance like I used to.
I'm learning that mistakes are part of life. How else are we supposed to learn? But this doesn't give us an excuse to act in whatever way we please. Our actions affect the people around us. I've always been one for the "do what makes you happy" life. I still think that's important, but I've learned, people are much more important. I've learned this the hard way. I need to focus on othes more, and step away from the self centered life I tend to live at times. This is all part of discovering ourselves and being human.
I'm blessed with amazing friends. Friends who would be willing to do anything for me. I take that for granted much too often. I just hope it's not too late. I also have a loving father in heaven whom I also take for granted at times. It's amazing how much he continues to care, even when I don't do my part. He's put some amazing opportunities in my life at the moment, and I hope I can please him. It's going to take diligence and a change in my attitude.
This is why in grateful for forgiveness. It gives me the chance to try and be a little better each day.
So friends, thanks for putting up with me. It means more than you know. I'm trying my best. 

Sunday, May 26, 2013

L.O.V.E.

"I think I'd rather miss because I loved than never love at all. And I mean that with all my heart. Because the pain of missing someone is part of loving them. And I'd miss someone for a hundred years if it meant I got to love them for just a moment. Missing hurts, but loving is worth it. I will miss you, but that's because I love you. And to me, that's worth it." 
            -Calea Bagley


Last Friday was Cavestock. The biggest party at American Fork High. It really was one of the best nights of my Junior year. There is one thing that unites us as a school. That's music. It was the last Cavestosck with all my wonderful senior friends. I got a little emotional as the bands played and I danced with all my friends. I've always been one to have older friends than me. I guess it's because I like to think I am mature. But all these friends leave and part their separate ways. Boys going on missions and school, and girls doing the same. I will miss them all terribly. Yet like Calea said, to miss someone means you loved them. I could go through my senior friends person by person and tell you what they have taught me. I've learned to love people for who they are, to enjoy life to its fullest, to find time for yourself, to remember the importance of the gospel, have confidence in yourself, and many many more lessons. I feel like part of me is graduating with them on Thursday. I'm excited to see where these amazing people go. 

Elder Logan Cameron's farewell was today. He did an amazing job. He will be a fantastic missionary. It's always fun to go to farewells and see all of our classmates their to support. The gospel has the power to unite people. Like Logan talked about, it brings hope and and peace into our lives. It makes me wonder why we hold grudges against people, when we should all just be friends. I'm guilty of this myself. I'm working on loving people for who they are, instead of their actions and decisions. After all, we are all here for the same reason. To become perfected in Christ.  Because when I really think about it, I love all people I come in contact with. Each person I meet is so unique and has something I can learn from. They shape the person I become. I'm so excited to see all these missionaries grow in the gospel. I really am jealous. There is nothing more important we can do then devoting our lives to Christ. He's the way to true happiness. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My heart is full

You know when your heart is so full that it literally feels like it could jump out of your chest?
Welcome to my life at the moment.
I've been counting down the days until school ends, and now it has turned into the days until my life changes drastically. I said goodbye to my best friend on Monday. It was so much harder than expected. As I was driving to her house, all of our memories together flooded my mind. From dance class after dance class, double dates with our brothers, showcase tours, one amazing year at high school together, football games, recitals, fires in her backyard, girls nights, and a few good cries. We have been through it all. She's had such a large impact on my life that I have Sarah Judd to thank for me being the person I am today. Driving away from her house after we said goodbye made me realize the amazing capacity we have to love as humans. I never felt closer to her as I drove away.
There will be countless more goodbyes for me coming soon. It makes me so anxious. Am I really ready for this much change? I've become so comfortable with my everyday life and the people who are a part of it. Yet change is good. I've definitely learned that. But time is running out. And it's eating away at me. I've got so many dreams and plans, and my time is limited with people. I've learned a lesson recently. People aren't always going to agree with your decisions. Don't let that get to you. You know yourself better than anyone else. Well this whole post had just turned into a ton of my jumbled thoughts. If you are going to take one thing away from this mess, take this: enjoy every experience to its fullest. Don't ever waste time, because we don't have time to waste. Do what makes you happy, and that should be good enough for you and everyone else.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Slowly learning.

I'm learning how to be selfless.
More selfless than I usually am.
Putting others first.
Their needs in front of mine.
Their wants instead of mine.
That's what it means to love. 

Friday, May 10, 2013

On the Bright Side...

My list of 10 things I'm grateful for today:

1. I got an 81% on my math test. I don't think you realize how happy I am about that.
2. I finished all my core testing. Only 2 more weeks of chemistry!!
3. I had my piano recital on Thursday. It was great! I forget how much I love playing piano until l perform.
4. I made dance co next year! Hah i know, complete shocker. I woke up this morning bright and early to McCall and Brooke jumping on my bed. Change will be hard adjusting to a new team, but I'm very excited.
5. I have wonderful friends. Friends who are always there when I need them. Friends like Parker and Maggie and Kels who will listen to my crazy life, and show their support.
6. I'm grateful for the peace and happiness that I find in the gospel.
7. I'm grateful for seminary teachers who will let me come in and talk with them all through lunch. The advice and guidance that I was given was just what I needed to hear.
8. I spent half my Friday night working on an English project with Mags. Then I came home and watched a movie with my family. I could have gone and spent more time with friends, but I realized that the people I needed to spend more time with was my family. Because when I am home, I know I'm loved unconditionally.
9. I helped set up for the senior dinner dance today. The new council was in charge of setting up. It was strange at first without the seniors, but then I got really excited. I will be a senior next year. I'm excited to make new friends, have a fresh start with school, and have one more year at wonderful AF high. My junior year has been great. It really has. I've learned a lot about myself. But I'm ready for change. I'm ready for the seniors to graduate and have my spot as the top class.
10. Tomorrow I have an all day workshop for all the Student Council's in alpine district. I have to be late however, because I have dress rehearsal for the Showcase recital on Monday. I'm grateful to be able to at least be in a few dances in the recital. I cherish any time I get to be on stage.

So over all, I guess you could say I am really happy. This doesn't mean everything in my life is perfect. Not at all. But if you let people bring you down, you need go realize that sometimes you have to find your own happiness. I'm so grateful for all the wonderful people around me. I'm reminded everyday how lucky I am to have so many people who care about me. If you focus on these people, the other problems in life don't matter. I'm grateful for these life lessons. It's all part of growing up. 

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Laughter really is the best medicine.

I love to laugh.
I always have.
I've actually been told I have quite a loud laugh, but I don't really mind. I try to find as many reasons as possible each day to smile and be verbal about how much I love the people and things around me. I've kinda got a loud mouth. I don't always think before I just start talking. That can sometimes get me in trouble. So I've focused lately on controlling my tongue. Instead of speaking ill about someone, or saying that sarcastic comment that may come off offensive, I smile and find a reason to giggle.

Here's just a few examples. I just found out that one of the people that has had the biggest influence on me this year is moving. This came as a huge shock. This lady really has changed the way I view everything. I wanted to be bitter, but I took the positive side. I remembered all the memories from this year, and I'm looking forward to the future.
I laugh a ton whenever I'm with Parker. The kid is like my brother. I'm so comfortable around him, and I know he will always be there for me.
There is always a lot of giggling when I have a girls night. We giggle about cute movie actors, how much food we eat, and how the boys at our school just all seem to cycle through the same girls. That's why I've given up on boys. The free single life has suited me much better. It's actually a lot more fun believe it or not.
I always laugh to point where I am almost in tears when I spend time with Mags. She's one of few people that really gets me. We've probably get annoying when we are in public together. We can say one word and we are both doubled over laughing. That's a sign of a great friendship. We also giggle about her long distance relationship, and my strange impulse lately to live in the moment. Needless to say, she knows my secrets.

I laugh about how my legs still aren't the same size.
I laugh whenever I try to park my big car. People who watch me usually laugh too.
I laugh how you and I still have a hard time carrying on a conversation after all this time.
I laugh about past memories. Or when people tease me about past memories. Like lying on the football field the other day and having someone yell that famous "one liner" at me. Yeah, I guess it's still funny. Even funnier is who was teasing me about it.
I laugh at how happy my best friend was when she called me to inform me that she is no longer VL. Welcome to the club, sister.

I smile whenever I notice how influential the gospel is in my life. Nothing brings me more joy. I'm jealous of these boys as I watch them get their mission calls. I don't know yet if a mission is right for me, but I do know that God has something great in store for me. And for you, and that kid in math class that really bothers you. Remember how much potential we all have. Love people for who they are. Laugh about the simple things. I sound preachy tonight, and I'm sorry about that. I just want you to feel this joy that I have found lately. 

Saturday, April 27, 2013

And We Danced.

Well it was a big weekend.
It was the dance co concert.
It's been an exhausting week just in general. We were at the school everyday this week until about 9pm. But it all pays off. The concert was so wonderful! It is hard to put into words how good it felt to be on stage performing again. I've missed it more then you can imagine. Friday night concert was very emotional because it was the last time we would dance with the senior girls. More then half the team are seniors and I have a unique friendship with each one of them. They have all shaped the person I have become this year. You could say there were many tears before the concert, after, and even during the show. The duo I did with Devyn was an experience I will never forget. She has become a part of me that I will cherish. I was honored to share the stage with her. Overall, the best way to put it into words, is we stabbed this concert. Dance co style.

Before we went on stage, Aubrie had us dedicate our performance to one person. We wrote a letter to them, and we were supposed to keep them in mind throughout the whole show. I wrote my letter to Spencer. He has come to every single dance recital and I know he was there because he wanted to be. He loves watching me dance. So I dedicated my performance to him because I know he would have been sitting front row watching me, jus as happy as I was to be back on stage. Right before we went on stage, McCall came up to me and handed me a letter. She had decided to dedicate this last concert to me. I have grown up dancing with McCall since we were 3 and 4. We've performed together countless time. We've been to competitions together, performed in St. George, San Fran, Disneyland and now dance co together. Right after I tore my ACL I talked to the dance co girls about never taking dance for granted. It is a gift, not just something you should should expect. I guess that really touched McCall. In her letter she told me that ever since my injury she has had a different attitude with dance. She said she has danced for me every day since September 12th. Well we were bawling of course, and I just sat and hugged McCall after she gave me the letter.
 I'm blessed to have her as such a good friend.
I'm blessed to dance.
I'm blessed to have a healthy body.
I'm blessed to have trials.
I'm blessed to have a Father in Heaven who cares so much about me.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Life is great.

So much has happened lately that I don't know where to start.

God is constantly reminding me how precious life is. It's terrible that we have to be reminded this through the death of another person. With the suicide at our school, I've started to appreciate the people around me more. We had a candlelight vigil at the high school on Monday night in memory of Josh. I went with some of my best friends. That night as I was linking arms with two wonderful people, I began to see what love really is. I believe we have a hard time experiencing what it really means to love someone unconditionally in high school. But I gave one of my best friends a hug that night and I understood what it means to really care. In high school, if you have a best friend who is a different gender then you, people always say you will have a relationship. It's hard to grasp the concept of loving someone for who they are, but not wanting more then that friendship. But it's possible, I know it is. I've experienced it.

This week was choir tour for a lot of my friends. So I had the privilege the spend one on one time with some great people. Ashley and I hung out Friday. She never fails to make me laugh. I have so many memories with her. I almost have a heart attack every time I think about my senior year without her, but I'm grateful for all the time we have spent together. I spent a lot of time with my family as well. That was great. My cousin James is one of my best friends, and it's great whenever he comes and spends time with the family. I also got to hang with Logan a bit. It was fun to catch up with him. Some weekends I'm reminded that your teenage years are for growing up and learning lessons, and loving the freedom that comes with all this.

Prom was last weekend. I had a blast. Grant was such a fun date! He was a gentlemen throughout the whole thing. It was great to see Prom together after all the planning I had put into it. I'm so grateful for my junior council. I couldn't have done it without them. Oh and Mags never fails to brighten my day. And she has a really comfy bed that is great for sleepovers.


Dance co concert is next weekend. Pray for me. Let's hope my knee will be ready.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

6 months

Today marks 6 months.
To the day.
So it was the perfect day to go back to ballet.
I haven't worn a leotard and tights in over 7 months. I haven't done my hair in a ballet bun either.
But it all felt normal. It felt great.
I pulled my old ballet shoes out of my dance bag that haven't seen daylight since the day of the injury.
Hah they still smelled just as bad.
The studio still feels like home. I love all the hugs from the cute girls that I've missed so much.
It almost felt like I'd never been gone.
Then we started barre and the knee injury was obvious.
I still can't plie' very well and I'm unstable whenever I do the left side of barre.
However, none of that really matters. Because I was doing it.
I was back at ballet and trying my best.
I've still got a long road ahead of me, but I make progress each day.
You could see the little purple scar through my pink tights. You could actually see all 5 scars.
They don't bother me though. Just another thing to make me unique.

On the other hand, I picked up my prom dress today. I LOVE it. If my mom would let me, I would probably sleep in it. Things are all coming together. My date will be so fun, and after this Saturday I don't have to worry about planning this dance anymore.

We've been studying poetry in Mr. Lind's class. I've grown to love poems because of my dad. Well I've grown to just love English in general. My dad created a list of the 20 most important grammar rules and we spent some time one night going over it. I know it sounds weird, but that's completely normal in the Vernon home.

So here's the poem for the week.

A thought went up my mind to-day

A thought went up my mind to-day
That I have had before,
But did not finish,--some way back,
I could not fix the year,

Nor where it went, nor why it came
The second time to me,
Nor definitely what it was,
Have I the art to say.

But somewhere in my soul, I know
I've met the thing before;
It just reminded me--'t was all--
And came my way no more. 

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Stress Free

These past two weeks have been wonderful. The past month has been so stressful that now that my stress is gone, I feel like I could conquer the world.
So first good news , I will be an SBO next year. SBO secretary to be exact. I couldn't be more excited! I absolutely love everyone on the new council next year. It's all bitter sweet.
I've got the greatest friends. They really are there whenever I need them. The other weekend a couple of  us had a fire at Miles's. Just listening to the boys talk made me realize how lucky i am to call them my friends. They will be great missionaries. Every single one of them.
I went on a date with Adam the other day. I love spending time with him. We doubled with Connor and Jolene. The boys made dinner themselves. I was so impressed. I really need Adam to teach me how to cook. I could use a few lessons. He was such a gentlemen and I had a wonderful evening. Thanks Adam for making me feel so special.
We're in st George for spring break. It's so nice to get away and enjoy the sun. I love spending time with the family. Don't know what I'd do without them. 

Monday, March 25, 2013

My biggest life lesson. Part 1.

September 12. It really does feel like just yesterday. Yet at the same time, it feels like years.

It was the night of the homecoming assembly. I was doing it all. I was performing with dance co, and student council. Not only had I been staying after school for dance co rehearsals, but I had been having early morning and late night practices to somehow get our stuco group to dance together. I was stressed, but i loved every second of it. Finally we were starting the assembly. I had curled my hair and was wearing my dance co shirt and the sparkly new high tops they bought for us. I felt great. I looked great. I loved being involved with the school and being able to do what I love more than anything.
Dance.

I made it through the dance co dance. We had to start over once because of a music problem, but besides that, we nailed it. Devyn was still recovering from an ACL surgery, so we had to modify a few things for her.

Little did I know.

I rushed back into the dance room and changed my shirt to get ready for the stuco dance. I came back out and sat by the council couch. Connor, Adam and Cole told me good job, and that they loved to watch me dance. The night was turning out great.

Now it was stuco's turn. We all got in a huddle and I said a few words to them. I told them that the most important thing was to never break your smile. Go out there and no matter what happens, don't forget to perform. How ironic.

The music starts and Ryan does his solo. At the beginning of the dance I was supposed to run forward and do a dive roll over Landon. I don't know if it was the shoes, or if I hit a pothole, or it simply was fate. All I know is I ran forward to jump, and as I jump and roll, I hear a loud pop.

I can't quite comprehend what is happening. I try to stand back up and put weight on my right leg. This is where the pain hits. I get dizzy and began to feel really hot. There is sort of a throbbing in my right knee and as I try to put weight on it, it gives way and I almost fall over again. This is when I know something is seriously wrong, I just want to lay on the grass and cry. But instead I suck it up and finish the dance. That's right. I'm a true performer at heart. The show must go on.

Maggie is the first to see I'm seriously hurt. I hobble off the field and collapse. I'm grabbing my knee and crying. She helps me over to the couch and I lay down.. By this point, Aubrie, Jardine, Finch, and many friends have come over to see what's up. All I can think about is dance. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I actually don't remember any conversations I had. All I wanted was to see my moms face and have her tell me all was going to be ok. I began to think about dance performances I had coming up. I had just been chosen to do the lead role in Waltz of the flowers for nutcracker. A dream come true. It was my first year on dance co. I tried to stay positive, but I knew the injury was serious. I knew things were going to change whether I liked it or not.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Lessons

I go to school everyday and sit in different classes. It's amazing though that I tend to learn more outside of the classroom. Especially these past few weeks. Let me share with you a few things I've learned. 
1. Dissappointment happens. Even when you do all you can to work toward a goal, it may not work out. We often don't see why things don't work the way we want them. I can't really give you an answer. However I can give you a little advice. Don't let it get to you. Look for the lessons you have learned and focus on them. Also don't pity yourself. Something else will come into your life that fills that hole. Believe me, I have countless stories. Feel free to ask me about it. 
2 Make sure the people around you know that you love them. I haven't always been a great friend, but I'm learning what it means to really be there for someone on their time of need. I wish I could have figured this out earlier. 
3. Stick up for yourself. Don't let people pressure you into things you don't want. You know what you want.  If someone really cares about you, then they will respect your decision and love you no matter what. 
4. The heart is a tender thing. I also have a hard time letting go. 
5. Trust in God. 
6. Remember your worth. 
7. Smile. It really does help. 
8. I can't control everything. Now this is a lesson I learn daily. I like to do things on my own, and have them done exactly how I want. I also can't control what other people think. I need to be willing to trust other people. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

You could say we're good friends.

First day of Spanish class. Second day of my sophomore year. My brother had told me that I had to meet him. I walk into class literally not knowing a single person. This is before heather discoverd her outgoing side, so I took a seat in the back of the room. Coach Lowe starts to call roll, and I hear him say, "Vernon?" I sort of mumble a response and raise my hand. Then from the other side of the room I hear his voice. "You're Spencer's sister! He told me to look for you!" You could say this is the beginning of a friendship that means the world to me. This is how the friendship of Connor and Heather started.
I was so lost for the first few months of my sophomore year. I was coming to a school where I knew no one. Somedays the only thing I had to look forward to is Connor saying hello to me. I don't think he will ever realize how much the simple things mean to me. Then he asked me to Winter Waltz. I felt like the luckiest girl. And I will admit, I had a huge crush on him. It's Connor Grigsby. How can you not?? He was so sweet to me throughout the whole date. It made me smile to see him blush when  he forgot to come up to my door for our day date. I still have the snowflake he made me when we went to jcws after. I wore Sarah's white dress and felt like a princess.
Then we both started to head in different directions. He had his girl, and I started to have a crush on a cute junior boy on the soccer team. We still were great friends, but it was hard to stay as close when i was labeled as "Miles's girl" and Connor had another girl he was chasing after. So we stayed friends, but it had complications.
The middle if February came and Connor asked me if I was interested in running for Stu co next year. I went out on a limb, and I ran. A few weeks later I was informed I'd be a member of junior council next year. Little did I know the affect this wonderful decision would have on me. School year came to an end, and so did relationships. Connor was the person I turned to whenever I needed advice. He reminded me of how beautiful I was, and how much I had to offer as an individual. We talked everyday throughout July and August. I spent my last day of summer with him. We bought batman tattoos and spent the last sunset of summer on his lawn.
Next thing I knew, we were juniors. We spent a lot of time together because of council. September 12. The day I tore my ACL. Connor was one of my biggest supporters through surgery and recovery. He spent countless days just sitting on my couch with me. Then once again, we began to drift. He fell for Jolene, and I rekindled a fire that had always still had a small flame. I kept my distance out of respect. I knew how much she meant to him and I could tell he was the happiest he had ever been. So we stayed best friends, we just had different commitments. So as I sat by Connor at lunch today I couldn't help but just smile.We've been through a lot together. The kid needs a friend right now and I owe him. But I'm not staying close to repay him, I'm doing it because I love my best friend. I love his laugh, our shared love for Star Wars, his cute green car, and his love of just bring himself. He reminds me everyday that it is ok to be different. It is ok to be yourself. Don't change Connor. You're perfect the way you are. Thanks for being my friend. 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

What a weekend

These are the weekends that l look forward to.

Aly's baptism was beautiful. That girl is amazing. I have always looked up to her, and seen her as an example. You're so great  Al. I'm so proud of you.

I answered Grant back for Prom. I am so excited I don't know if I can make it until April 13th! What a stud. Junior prom is turning out to be all I ever wanted.

Those butterflies returned this weekend. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I've always known it would happen sooner or later. It just came much quicker than I thought. But I'm not complaining. Nope, not at all. I'm a sucker for those brown eyes .

Saturday, March 16, 2013

I don't know what to call this post...

Spring is in the air.
I can feel it in the sunshine, I can see it in people's smiles.
The spring continues to bring more change into my life. It just seems to never end. But it is good change.

More mission calls! Isaac is going to Indonesia, Alex is going to Japan, Kyle is going to Italy, and sweet Cordell is going to Hungary. These boys are all amazing and have had a wonderful impact on my life. They will be fantasic missionaries.

First part of StuCo elections are done. I wish I could say I was done with them, but I've still got two more weeks. Once again, I've learned the lesson that I'm not in charge of what happens in my life. Somethings I just can't control. I can control how I react though. So Thursday at 5pm when I didn't get a call, I didn't complain. Obviously it just wasn't meant to be, and that's ok. Yeah it was what I wanted, but as Jardine says, "suck it up." I'm not the only one dealing with this, so why act like it is so hard for just me. Plus I've never been one to self pity. I hate people seeing me that way. I would much rather them see a smile on my face and a sparkle in my eyes. That is how it should be.

I'm usually not one to second guess myself. But lately, I haven't been able to make up my mind. It's because my life is full on wonderful people. People who I absolutely adore. People who spend their Friday night's just with me and listen to me talk and talk. Somehow he knew that was exactly what I needed. I've had a lot on my mind lately and it's nice to be able to sit and tell someone everything that is happening. Plus I think he needed it too. One of my favorite things to do is learn about someones childhood. It explains so much about them.

 My sequoia has become special to me. Not because that car takes me everywhere, but because of the people that have been in it, and the conversations I have had. Hannah has sat in the front seat of my car with me more times than I can count. We've laughed, we've cried, and we've shared things with each other that only best friends would. Ashley has sat in that same seat as well and made my cry. I love how she is willing to tell me how it is, but she does it with so much love. Kelsie is the same way. We've been through many adventures in my car, but her car wins this one. For some reason we always end up in her car. There are many many more people. Parker, Connor, Maggie, and Adam to name a few. I'm so blessed to have these people as friends. They have shaped who I am.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Just what I needed.

It's amazing what a little scripture reading can do.
 Thanks Adam for the advice.

Alma 5
Alma 6
D &C 6
Alma 38:5
Alma 26:12
Omni 1:26

The church is true. 

Saturday, March 9, 2013

And the mission calls continue...

Warning. This post may be a little dramatic. So if you don't want to read about friendship, love, tears, and pure happiness... I advise you to stop reading.

Thursday nights now hold a bitter sweet feeling for me. They are dedicated to mission call openings. This last week there were so many calls opened that I spent a good 2 or 3 hours house hopping to watch these wonderful boys open their calls. Some of the boys that have influenced me the most the past 2 years opened their calls on Thursday.

Frankfurt, Germany. Of course it's perfect for Adam. I am so happy for him. This kid has become one of my best friends this year. We have very similar personalities and he is always there to listen to me whenever I need to talk. We've spent hours sitting in my car talking about life and what the future holds for each of us. He's going places. That's all I can say. He has an amazing way of loving people for exactly who they are. This talent will help him so much on the mission. I'm so excited for Elder Mayne!



Miles opened his call as well. He's headed to New Zealand. What an amazing mission! The same place my best friend Sarah Judd is headed. It's hard to find someone who will be a better missionary than Miles. He has an amazing sense of how to interact and talk with people. He also has such a strong love for the gospel that is shows in everything he does. We have had our ups and downs, but I respect him so much. Also some of my favorite and memorable high school experiences include him. I got a text from the sweetest girl late Thursday night and she asked me if that mission call was as hard for me as it was for her. If you're reading this post you probably know me well enough to assume why she asked me that. I can honestly say that the only feeling I felt as he announced his call was joy. I am so happy for him and can't wait for him to get out in the mission field to have those amazing missionary experiences. I'm lucky to have Miles as a friend. Congrats Elder Farnsworth.


The missionary however, that I have thought the most about lately is Parker. I have known this kid for so long. We lived by each other when I was really young and then I moved. My family finally ended up in Highland and we were reunited with the Judds. Well Parker and I have become family. He really is my other older brother. The Judd family in general means so much to me. Sarah and I have a friendship that I can't even explain. All I can say is that the Judd family has blessed my life greatly. Parker will be serving in California. He talked about wanting to go foreign and I think he was a little shocked when he opened his call. But I know he is so excited and it is exactly where the Lord needs him. He leaves in July. That means in the next few months, Spencer, Sarah, and Parker will all be on missions. The three people who mean more than the world to me. Thanks goodness that I can write them. When I gave Parker a hug after he opened his call, I almost lost it. But I held back the tears. I don't want to be sad about these boys all leaving. I want to focus on the happiness and how great it is that they are sharing the gospel. I still smile whenever I think about Parker announcing his mission and the rush of the spirit that filled the room. The gospel is amazing and blesses my life daily.



Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Blurred.

Jill was so right.

However, I think I knew it all along.

We put up boundaries. These "walls" that we just don't let certain people pass. Not because we don't love them. No that's not it at all.

It IS because we love them. We love the little quirks they have, and how we know each other so well we almost finish each other's sentences. How he teases me constantly, but never more than I can handle. How he gives the best hugs and I can tell they are sincere. The subtle compliments he gives me. Simply the way he looks at me when we talk about life. I don't want to chance losing any of this.  Because that has happend to me before. People I care so much about are now just simply faces I see everyday. Every once in a while having a conversation out of kindess and knowing it's the right thing to do. It's because once you break down those walls it's nearly impossible for them to be built again.

Somewhere in that last paragraph it switched from "we" to "him". I guess I can't avoid that this post just got personal.

So someone help me out here. Someone explain to me how that fine line has been blurred. That line use to be thick. Thick and obvious for everyone to see. I never even thought of looking what was on the other side. I was so happy with where I was and what side I was on. I was also happy with where he stood. I vowed I wouldn't get caught in something like this again. Even blogged about it.

But to be curious is in our nature.
And he started to cross his toes over the line.
I don't even how he got that far.
There is so much that complicates this. It simply just doesn't add up for either of us.

But I began to do the same. Without thinking. Part of me was just curious, part of me... well most of me just wanted to see what would happen.

Then he gave the sign. Our usual, comfortable, weekend nights as best friends began to be a bit different. Somewhere in the mix of our laughter and jokes, feelings were involved. Affection began to be shown. Nothing major, yet just enough for us to realize what was going on. But I didn't know what I wanted.

So I backed away. We discussed our friendship and how important it is. So he agreed we should stay where we have always been. On those separate sides of the line. Although I must admit, I have been second guessing myself ever since. He still shows intrest, and I've began to show it as well. I reason both sides. Why it would work, and why it doesn't.

I guess you could say we both are standing on the line. Just waiting for the other person to make the first move again. I don't know if I will. I don't know if he will.

But I do know one thing. Jill was right all along.

It's hard to just stay friends.


Saturday, March 2, 2013

A little bit of sun

Canada. It fits Logan perfectly. Especially because it is French speaking. He will be a fantastic missionary. It's amazing how the Lord does that. He knows each and every one of us as an individual. Better than we know ourselves. Something that I've really learned this year.

My stress level has reached an all time high. Just when I think I can't handle anymore, something new gets thrown at me. First off, my month of March will be consumed with planning prom. As fun as it is, it's a lot of work and dedication. Now I just need a date to Prom. Keeping my fingers crossed! Also elections. But I won't speak too much about those. Just that whenever I hear that word my stomach ties in knots. Yet it's so exciting to see how much I've grown over the year. I'm also learning all the dance co dances for the concert coming up in April. I can't do them full out yet due to the knee, so it makes me a little stressed that I may not be ready by the concert. But I know if I stay dedicated then I should hopefully be ok.

The weather is absolutely beautiful today! It makes me excited for Spring and Summer. It gives me a new hope. With the changing seasons comes new opportunities and challenges. This winter has been a hard one, so I'm ready to move on to Spring. I'm ready for shorts and sandals, late nights outside, end of school excitement, and to finish my junior year. Plus I'm ready to be tan again. At least as tan as I can get, which isn't much. Today we had the service project for student council. We pretty much just hauled dead trees out of Art Dye Park. I came home exhausted. So I took a shower and jumped in bed for a nice nap. About an hour later I get a call from Adam. He says he's outside and has a surprise for me. Well I came outside to Adam, Kyle, Connor, and Taylor all with their longboards. They've been longboarding all day and thought they'd stop by to say hi. It made my day. Those boys are so great. I have learned so much from them as individuals. I'm excited to see where they will go in life. Oh and I'm planning on longboarding with them as soon as my knee gets a bit better... and I learn how to actually longboard. So I'm in a good mood. Simply because I've chosen to be, and the sun is finally out. 

Monday, February 25, 2013

My definition of "the best"

It hasn't been a typical Monday. 
We had a meeting today for everyone who is interested in Student Council next year. I had such a bitter sweet feeling in that meeting today. 
I also went to Showcase for a bit. As much as I love seeing how much I've improved over the past months, it also reminds me how far I have to go. 
I came home a bit discouraged today. Everything is so good, but everything is starting to change. 
I walked in the door from coming home from Showcase to find my dad sitting on the couch. I slumped down on the couch across from him and heaved a heavy breathe. He could tell I just needed to talk. We talked about elections, my current ACT score that I got today, dance, my friends, my relationship with my mom, and just how I was feeling in general. 
He asked me a question. 
He said, "what's the best thing about your life right now?" 
I honestly didn't know how to answer. There are so many good things about life right now. But how do I classify something as the best? How do I chose what makes me most happy? 
So I shrugged off the question and just asked him, "When is mom going to be home? I need something to eat and she's got dinner with her." 
Yet that question has been stuck in my head all night. It's been slowly eating away at me: and i realized why. I don't have an answer. There isn't a way to classify "greatness" in my life because it is found so often. 
I've been reflecting on my day and finding the great things. 
It was a great feeling to hand in my math test today after spending all of 2nd and half of 3rd period on it and feeling like I did the best I could. I was proud of myself. 
I wore my Sperry's today, and a scarf. I got a good parking spot and Devyn was the first person to greet me this morning. Kelsie is home from St. George. I smiled at 3 people I didn't know today and guess what... they smiled back. It's amazing what a simple smile can do. 
I was happy in dance co as I watched all of my best friends dance and laugh together. Those girls are like my sisters. 
I had an overwhelming feeling of love come over me sitting in the StuCo meeting listen to all my fellow members talk. I know they love me back. From Connor simply putting his hand on my knee to show he cares, to Maddie's sweet hugs, Cordell's way of knowing when I need cheering up, Maggie's amazing way of knowing how to make me laugh, Hannah's gorgeous smile, Adam constantly teasing me, and many many more. It's a great feeling to know that you have grown and learned so much along side these people. We have seen each other at our worst and our best, yet somehow only see the good in each other. These moments mean the world to me. 
I also cherish the moments spent with my family. Our love for looking up old movies on youtube, my dad playing the piano, our random dance parties, reading the Book of Mormon together, reading Elder Vernon's letters, and praying together. 
So here is an answer for you dad. 
What the best part of my life right now?
The fact that it changes day to day, yet I find a way to love every second of it. I love the challenges each day holds, and discovering new ideas and ways of loving other people. I love the fact that my life is unique to me and no one else knows what it is like to be in my shoes. I love that I have a Heavenly Father to guide me throughout my life. I love living in the moment. I love being me. 

Friday, February 22, 2013

Good Music. Even Better People.

 Last night was the Talent Show at the high school. It was so wonderful.  Everyone did such an amazing job. Radio Flyers did great at usual. I always love listening to them play. Logan never ceases to amaze me with how comfortable he is on stage. But the band that won me over last night was Dutch and his Good Neighbors. They played Little Talks which is one of my favorite songs. Cordell's voice fit the song perfectly, and he made my heart swoon. I'm a sucker when it comes to singers. Maybe if I ask nicely he will serenade me while I do my math homework. I'm sure it would help. I've gotten to know Cordell quite well this year and I promise you won't find a more respectful, and kind hearted kid in AF. He always takes the time to make sure I am doing okay, and I can tell that he really cares. Our school is so full of talent and it was so fun watching people do what they love last night. Also I had the pleasure of sitting by Benjamin Johnson and listening to his side comments. I just love that kid.


 It was a pleasant suprise to see Mikey at the talent show as well! Her and Alex Fender are great friends so I get to see her quite often. We were absolute best friends through Junior High and I'm so glad that we have maintained our friendship even though we are at different high schools. She is always willing to listen to me, and she just seems to get me. Plus I love the way she dresses and she never fails to teach me new fashion trends.


I started teaching my dance yesterday in dance co!  I'm really excited about this dance. I put a lot of hard work into it and I can't wait to see it come to life when it's performed at the dance co concert. The senior's performed in their last half time this week. It was an emotional night for all of us. Dance Co will not be the same without them next year. I have really bonded with the seniors and they have become some of my best friends. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through this year without Devyn. We may be completely different people, but there is something about our friendship that just works; and works really well. That girl means so much to me.




And for your enjoyment and mine, here is a picture of Marcus Mumford. I'm still obsessed. It's fine. 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Spanish Fork Friends


Welcome to Spanish Fork. It's pretty much the same as American Fork if you were wondering. The people are just as nice, and the snow is just as beautiful. Bonnie and I headed to Spanish Fork on Monday to spend the day with Tate and Austin. Actually we drove right past Spanish Fork  and ended up in Payson, but eventually we found where we were going. It was so much fun, and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Those boys are so so great and I love having them as distant friends. It was also nice to catch up with Bonnie. Going to different schools makes it hard for us to hang out, but it's just like old times when we get back together.



My knee is finally starting to show improvement. I ran a mile today. My mom bought me new nike shorts yesterday, so I guess that helped give me the incentive to work out. New clothes seem to do that.  

Overall, things are just so so great right now. Like really. I've got wonderful friends, my knee is improving, I wore my new elephant shirt today, and the gospel is true. Can't stress that last one enough. Lose yourself in the gospel. I did, and I ended up finding myself as well. You could say I've got a different outlook on life then I did at the beginning of the school year. I'm so happy with being Heather. That's a great feeling. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Three Cheers for a great weekend.

Wow what a few exciting few days it has been. SO much has happened!


On Thursday my good friend Taylor got his mission call. It's crazy, but so great that boys can now get their calls while in high school. It kinda puts a whole new perspective for the last few months of high school for them. He got called to serve in the Oslo, Norway mission. It fits him perfectly. Taylor has a way of making friends with everyone. This will be something that really helps him in the mission field. He's become one of my closest friends this year and has been a huge support system through my injury. Right after surgery he was at my house all the time to make sure I knew I was loved and he was there for me. Through being on council together this year, going to Preference together, our many talks, and just being friends, I've come to really respect him and see how great of a guy he is. Couldn't ask for a better friend. Can't wait to hear the amazing things Elder Gunther will do in Norway. Three Cheers for Taylor Gunther.

Morp was this weekend! Oh my it was such a party. I had the pleasure of going with THE Logan Cameron. What a kid. He never fails to make me laugh and I loved every minute I got to spend with him. We went up to Salt Lake for our day date. We went to the Mummy exhibit that just opened. It was so amazing and definitely one of my favorite dates I have been on. We took pictures in the snow, which was freezing, and so ironic since the theme of the dance was Hawaiin. We went to Macaroni Grill for dinner. Best part? We pretty much got it free all thanks to Madi. The dance was great. I kinda go crazy at dances, and so does Logan, so that made the dance so much better. Our group was also amazing. I adore the girls that I grouped with, and the boys were so much fun. They were such gentlemen. All in all, one of my favorite dances so far. Three cheers for Logan Cameron.

Tomorrow is President's day... so no school! This long weekend couldn't have come at a better time. Tate and Austin may come down from Spanish Fork tomorrow. I love these boys. I love when they come to visit! Plus they are both cuties, so that makes it even better. Three cheers for Tate and Austin.

I'm pretty much the luckiest girl. I have the best friends I could ask for. I could talk for hours about how much I love kels. That girl inspires me. She inspires me to be myself and to love everyone. I don't know how I could make it through high school without her. I'm also lucky to have Adam as a close friend. That kid just gets me. I feel so comfortable around him. He loves the fact that I'm sassy and I've kinda got an attitude. He's also a huge tease. But I guess I deserve it. He's one of those people you can't help but just love. So three cheers for best friends and great guys.






Thursday, February 14, 2013

Change

Change is hard. Whether we like it or not, change happens. I'm just glad that I'm surrounded by so many wonderful friends. Especially kels. Our drives together may just be one of my favorite things.  Oh and a good cry. Those always help. If you ever need to just let your emotions out, go for a drive, turn on Fix You by Coldplay really loud, and just have a good cry. It helped me tonight. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Independence

And this week has confirmed something about myself that I already knew: I'm independent. This independence is a great thing, at times. Other times it just causes me problems. I don't like other people seeing that I can't do something on my own. This also causes me to have trust problems. I just have a hard time really opening up to people because I hate people knowing my insecurities. So if I have opened up to you, I need to say thanks. Thanks for letting me have enough trust and faith in you that you will take me as I am and not judge.
I had a little argument this week with a friend about priorities. When I say priorities, I'm talking about  seeing different people as being the first priority. We had a different view on things and the conversation turned a little bitter. Part of the problem in this argument was my big head. When I think I'm right, it's really hard to change my mind. This is where I struggle with my pride issue. Pride and independence in my case go hand in hand. I've become so dependent on myself that I only trust my view on things. So I guess I've realized that I need to be more willing to trust others.  I have to admit it when I'm wrong. I need to take other people's opinions into consideration.
This is where my favorite Mumford quote comes in. The one at the top of my blog. People can make an impact on my life and teach me. But when it comes down to it, I'm the one who decides how I act and the  type of person I want to be. I call that independence. 

Friday, February 8, 2013

My spinning head and upset stomach.

I have so many emotions today. My heart and my stomach feel like a jumbled mess.
Today I remembered the value of life. It is so tragic that we are reminded of this by the death of another person. Life if precious. Never take it for granted. Actually, never take anything for granted. Each day has something new to offer, and sometimes you never get those offers back. Plus you don't know what the next day has to hold, so don't give up. We are told that every person has a purpose. I am a firm believer in this.  I may not be as great as the people around me, but no one is the same at Heather Vernon. I am my own person for a reason. It's because there are things that I can accomplish that only I can do. I wish everything could see their worth.

My stomach has also been upset today due to the fact that we talked about elections in student council. It seems like yesterday that I was calling Connor to talk about how excited we were to be on council together. This year has flown by, and I don't know if I'm ready for change. Change is good, but it's not easy.

I went to lunch today with Erika, Madi and Rachel. I adore all these girls so much! Like all girls, we got on the subject of boys. After discussing things, we all realized that we felt the same at the moment. We just need a break from high school boys. Don't get me wrong, some of my greatest friends are boys, but I'm done with these "high school relationships".  Because here is the thing. Boys and girls want different things when it comes to relationships. Girls simply want to feel wanted. Haha and if you thought of Hunter Hays when I said that, don't worry, so did I. They want the satisfaction of knowing someone cares for them and someone is there to listen and be there when needed. Now you find boys who feel this way, but they are the minority. For boys, when it comes to girlfriends, and how many girls they have kissed, it is a number. It's like this competition that no one admits to, but all boys know what is going on. It's funny how you will see a boy with one girl, and then the next month a different one. Best part is, it's usually the girls best friend, or even the boy's best friend's old girlfriend. (I know, that sounds confusing at first. Just read it slow). Now I realize this is high school. It's sticking a bunch of kids in one building and trying to get us to learn, to make friends, and to somehow feel good about ourselves. High school is about having fun, making memories, and having a sweetheart or two. But girls, remember that these are high school boys we are associating with. And boys, be kind to girls. We have fragile hearts. Actually, I really don't know what I'm saying here. Maybe I'm just trying to give a reason for boycotting relationships. I'm trying to give a reason to not being so quick to give my heart away. I'm giving a reason to only spending weekends with Kelsie. Because I don't need a boy to be happy. They usually actually end up making me feel the opposite way.

I'm the happiest I have been in a long time. You know why? Because I chose to be. I stopped caring what other people think and did what makes me happy. I take the long way home from school and blast music in my car. I don't listen to rumors and make a big deal about "who has kissed who" and people asking me how I feel about it. Because guess what... I don't care. And when I realized that about a month ago, I couldn't stop smiling. My happiness is finally something that I control. There are so many more important things. So not only am I boycotting boys, but I'm boycotting high school drama. Wahoo! Life is finally good again.

So as you can see, my thoughts are jumbled today as well.

I'm stil striving to give service daily, and those sincere compliments.
I'm still dressing in sweaters and collared shirts.
I'm still trying to mend friendships and make new ones.
I still have one leg smaller than the other.
I still want to go to ballet everyday.
I am still being Heather Vernon. 

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Road

I sit and think. Think about what it would be like to go back.
Not just a year back. But many years.
Back to my 7th grade year where all I knew about myself was my name.
I didn't know what I stood for, or where I wanted to go in life.
I didn't even know who to call my friends.
Then I look back and realize something. I wasn't the only person feeling this way.
We all go through a point in our lives where we are given the wheel.
The wheel to drive our life in whichever direction we choose.
The road varies for all of us.
For about 3 years I felt like I was driving in circles.
Thinking I finally found the right turn, but just to realize I ended back in the same place.
Lost.
Then I realized something. I kept making right turns.
Do you know where a bunch of right turns get you?
Right back where you started.
So I tried something new.
I turned left.
I started trying things that were unfamiliar.
I started to understand people and love them.
I started to love myself. 
I started to be vulnerable.
But be careful. Too many left turns can do the same all all those rights.
You have to have a balance in all things.
A balance of thinking for yourself, and accepting the wants of others.
A balance of serving others, and taking care of yourself.
Do me a favor and while you drive, roll down the windows.
Play your favorite music and blast it until your ears hurt.
Feel the beautiful breeze on your face and the cool shiver down your spine.
Please don't forget to laugh. Laughter heals. Believe me. I know.
Throw your head back and smile. Smile until your cheeks go numb.
Because this is when you are most beautiful. When you are happy.
Take risks. Make quick turns and go down roads you have always wanted,
but feared due to judgement.
Make your own decisions.
The road is long. Long and always changing.
But you are the one who decides where you finally end up.
Don't dwell on the past. Keep your eyes forward.
And darling, keep that smile on your face and that glow in your eyes. 

Sunday, February 3, 2013

What a weekend.

What a weekend it has been! This weekend we had our student council retreat. I've never laughed, cried, danced, and ate that much food all in the space of 2 days before. I've also never loved a group of people more than I love the student council kids. Each one of them is such a unique individual and has so much to offer. I learned about each one of them and what makes them the amazing person they are. Thanks Amber for letting us use your cottage, even if things did get a bit crazy at times. We had a formal dance and dinner on Saturday night and it was so fun to get ready with all of the girls and try on each others dresses. I must say Angi wore my prom dress better than I did last year. Overall, I come away from this weekend with a greater respect for people in general. You never know what a person has been through, or what they are dealing with, so just love everyone. Love people for who they really are.

I register for classes tomorrow. Senior year. Honestly never thought this would come, and here it is!! Don't know if I should be excited or nervous. I'm a bit of both. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I'm happy.






I realized something great today.
I'm starting a new chapter in this long book I call "my life."
I've found myself smiling for no reason quite often. I think I've figured out why.
I'm happy.
Like, "come on world! I can conquer anything" type of happy.
You know why?
Because I have conquered a lot in the past 4 months.
I'm really proud of myself.
I'm more than halfway done with high school. That thought is a little scary.
I still feel like I should be an awkward 12 year old.
But I guess the awkward part hasn't changed. Just my age.
Everyone is growing up.
Taylor turned in his mission papers.
 Hannah can go on a mission at the end of this year.
I register for my senior year on Tuesday!
It will be 4 months from the surgery on February 9th.
I turn 18 this year.
We have enough snow to last us a decade. Somehow they expect us to still get to school safely.
I still listen to Mumford daily. I have also been listening to a lot of Keane lately.
I have stopped letting drama consume my life.
I curled my hair today. That doesn't happen often at all.
I got an 85% on my math test. 3 cheers for Heather!
I still have toe nail polish on from Preference. I'm seeing how long it will last.
I have council retreat this weekend. I'm super excited.
I don't think we will be sleeping at all on Friday night.
Bonnie and I snapchat all the time. I love that crazy girl.
I've already started planning my summer. Holla!!
We may go to Harry Potter World for spring break.
I would cry real tears if we did.
I love going to junior jazz games. I secretly wish I could play basketball.
I'm happy with where things are at the moment. In more than one situation in my life.
I'm going to the temple tomorrow. Bright and early.
Things are starting to get better.


P.S. that picture was taken 3 days after I tore my ACL. I know it looks cute like I'm popping my foot, but the truth is that was the position my leg was stuck in. Didn't really straighten it for about a month. Just a fun fact :)



Monday, January 28, 2013

Monday.

"You can do anything you want. You just can't do everything. "
-Eric Vernon

My daily challenge:
1. Do a sincere act of service daily.
2. Smile at 5 people I don't know at school.
3. Don't go to bed until all my homework is done and I feel prepared for the next day.
4. Whenever I have a negative thought about someone, think of 2 great things about them instead.
5. Don't complain. Keep things positive.

Read Jacob 4:7.




Listen to this Song. It kinda speaks everything on my mind. 





I've been thinking about something this kid told me. He told me it's ok to cry. Because when you cry it means you miss something or that something means a lot to you. Spencer always knows what to say. I've watched him grow immensely over the past few months as he has been in Poland. That is where he is suppose to be for these two years. I do miss S-force though.... so does my GPA.

I've finally got things figured out. But you better believe it took a lot of time. 

Karma is real. 

I can almost do the splits again. Take that knee. 

Logan told me he is finally going to answer me to Morp. It's about time.

I've finally learned how to forgive.

I really like my new haircut. 

I still have glow in the dark tape on the back of my phone from November. 

I like wearing as many layers as possible to school. 

Adam Mayne makes me laugh. 

I have a math test tomorrow. 

Cordell Cox is a great guy. 

I read my horoscope daily.  

Some people call me Vern. And I like that. 

I love Kelsie Shuler.  I'm a big fan of hers.

It's Monday. 



Sunday, January 27, 2013

Choices

What I should be doing

I should be doing my homework
      but instead I'm reading blogs of beautiful people.

I should wake up early some mornings to shower
     but I usually just go to school with my hair half up.

I should be dancing everyday
    but I CAN'T because God has given me a trial.

I should just forgive and forget
    but sometimes that is harder than we think.

I should say, "We're in high school, so do what you want."
     but I know that there is a greater picture and plan.

I should be a better friend
    but sometimes I tend to focus on only myself.

I should be praying morning and night
    but sometimes I fall into bed without praying.

I should be kinder to my family
    but sometimes I'm just a stubborn teenager

I should be visiting my Spanish Fork friends more often
   but life is just crazy.

I should be starting to plan for prom and be doing my job
   but starting to plan scares me.

What I shouldn't be doing

 I shouldn't be caring what others think
    but that's hard in high school.

I shouldn't be getting bad grades
    but I am trying my best.

I shouldn't have to miss ballet everyday
    but things take time.

I shouldn't be judging others
    but that can be hard.

I shouldn't stress about the future
    but I'm a control freak.

I shouldn't have frizzy hair
   but you can't have it all.

I shouldn't have an addiction to Junior Mints
   but well.... I actually see nothing wrong with that one.

I shouldn't hurt peoples feelings
   but sometimes we lose sight of the most important things for a moment.

I shouldn't have an addiction to Mumford.
    but YES. YES I should.

I shouldn't have crushes on boys where there is no chance
   but I'm 17.

Isn't it funny how even though we know what we should be doing and what is right, we don't do it?  That's called independence, my dear. That's called thinking for yourself and using this wonderful thing we have been given called agency. That's called life is beautiful and short, so love the people you are surrounded with. Don't hold onto things that won't matter in a month or two. See the big picture. See that God is good and he loves you.

Choose to be happy.

Not just happy though.

Choose to thank your Heavenly Father for all of your blessings. Choose to show your friends you really do care. Choose to spend time with your family. Choose to smile EVERYDAY.  Choose to have those days where you wake up late and rush to get ready, but still feel beautiful at school. Choose to look past people's flaws, because you have just as many. Choose to love. Choose to give service daily.

But most importantly.

Choose to love yourself.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Hypocrite

Hypocrisy:
The practice of professing standards, beliefs, etc. contrary to one's real character or actual behavior. Especially the pretense of virtue or piety.

I don't usually have issues with people. Besides those who are hypocrites. It's hard for them to gain my respect. Really hard at times.

It's also very easy to lose.